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Dinner time

Many of us enjoy going out for dinner, or to a friends house for a bbq, but what happens when it comes time to eat and drink?  For example, in the case of a bbq, should you only eat what you brought or the equivalent (i.e  don't eat the steak if you only brought sausages) or because its a group situation should you feel free to help yourself to whatever is on offer?

 

Also if you are eating out with a group, should you split the bill evenly amongst the group, regardless of whether you've ordered the most or least expensive thing on the menu, or should everyone pay for what they ordered?

Last reply: 13th Dec 2014 / 166 replies / Post by Anonymous

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bayosmum

Posted by: bayosmum
Posted: 31st May 2007

bayosmum says: This is an easy one for my. We are vegetarians, so BYO is usually preferable, otherwise we just go for the breads and salads. Having said that, friends and family always allow for us and usually create something meat free.

In the case of eating out, we again usually only pay for our own. That's because ours is usually always cheaper on account of the meat dishes are mostly more expensive. Regardless of that, I don't believe it is rude to just pay for what you ate but there is no need to be pedantic about it and count the cents. If you add an extra $5 then that's okay. It will come back to you some way or another. Reply

bayosmum

Posted by: bayosmum
Posted: 1st Jun 2007

bayosmum says: I was never a huge meat eater to start with, but my partner has been a vegetarian for 25 years, so when we started seeing each other 8 years ago, I eventually stopped eating meat and felt better for it. Other reasons have since grown and I think I would find it difficult to ingest an animal now, and have no desire to. As with your friend, I don't eat what I wouldn't kill, and I don't fish either. In fact, I am now so bad I brake for butterflies:) I now have the responsibility of bringing up a future vegetarian, for as long as he chooses to, so I need to make sure I get it right. Reply

heymama

Posted by: heymama
Posted: 5th Jun 2007

heymama says: I am exactly the same... I wont eat meat or chicken but I do eat fish, and for the same reason-If I wouldn't kill it I won't eat it. My parents think I am crazy to not eat meat- especially as I just had a baby, but my blood and iron counts came back as excellent. we save heaps on groceries... it can be tricky to come up with new meal ideas sometimes though. My main reason for being a vegetarian is an opposition to animal welfare and factory farming. Also the use of antibiotics in farmed animals and quality of feed- some "farmers" feed chickens soy grain mixed with manure- that alone repulsed me enough to turn me off meat. Also if you investigate the methods used to slaughter the animals-cattle and pigs especially- it's just plain cruel. I used to love eating steak, bacon and pepperoni- but I just think of the poor critters cooped up for their entire life, and killed in such inhumane ways, then I look at my two little dogs and think theres no way I'd let anyone hang them up by their hind legs and slit their throats, watching them thrash about to save their poor life- it's cruel, inhumane and better regulations need to be enforced on all aspects of animal farming. Reply

chickenman

Posted by: chickenman
Posted: 16th May 2011

heymama says: I am exactly the same... I wont eat meat or chicken but I do eat fish, and for the same reason-If I wouldn't kill it I won't eat it. My parents think I am crazy to not eat meat- especially as I...

chickenman says: i am not a vegetarian, but i can relate to and understand why some people are.
to kill another living creature so we can eat is not that far from canabalism ( when one considers the understanding animals have ) however, meat , poultry and fish are a staple part of our diet and something that has been with us before farming Reply

blondie72

Posted by: blondie72
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

blondie72 says: We always have BBQs where if we are hosting it, we supply the meat for the BBQ (it helps that my brother is a butcher) and everyone brings a different type of salad or hot side dish like garlic pototaoes or pasta. SIL is a vegetarian so there is always plenty of sides without meat and different types of bread & rolls. Always BYO alcohol, but we supply the soft drinks for the kids. If the BBQ is held at another family member or friends place, its always the same thing. Always works really well for us!

In regards to eating out, I prefer to pay for my own. We split the bar-tab, but always pay for meals individually as it is not fair when some friends have 4 kids and I only have 1. This is why we always when going out for dinner in large groups, go to places that have banquets at a pay per head deal. Reply

Bec

Posted by: Bec
Posted: 13th Jul 2007

Bec says: I am also vegetarian. I have been since i was 8 years old (i am now 15). At the time, i felt very strong about my decision (i still do, but i thought it was strange i felt so strong at that age). I went to England, and while we were eating, i could see sheep outside on the hills. In my young mind, i was thinking how cute sheep looked. Then when i looked at then menu, i realsied those sheep were being eaten. I was shocked! So i ordered a vegetarian meal. I told my brother how i felt and he understood but couldn't help poking fun (eg, "see you in McDonalds!" to cows we passed - funny at first but it eventualy got to me).
I haven't eaten meat since, although i started eating seafood a year ago because of the nutrition value, even though i don't partically like the idea of eating dead animals and the means of getting it.
It doesn't really pose a big issue for me though because it's become habit and i don't think about it much.
I have researched vegetarianism and it's benefits and negatives.
It can sometimes be hard eating at other peoples houses but generally restaurants cater. People think i will get offended if they eat meat in front of me and say it's delicious but i say they make their decisions and i make my decisions and that's fine!
Bec Reply

hoges

Posted by: hoges
Posted: 5th Jun 2007

hoges says: You certainly only eat (and drink) the equivalent of what you've brought with you, unless the host is the one providing the steak and insists that you have some. Everyone can have as much salad as they like!
If eating out with a group, things like breads can be evenly split between everyone, but if I've only ordered an entree I'm not paying for someone else's pricy dish. And I would never want anyone to feel they had to do that for me.
Reply

turkeyknees

Posted by: turkeyknees
Posted: 14th May 2010

hoges says: You certainly only eat (and drink) the equivalent of what you've brought with you, unless the host is the one providing the steak and insists that you have some. Everyone can have as much salad as...

turkeyknees says: my thoughts precisely hoges.this is exactly how i was raised.i couldnt have said better myself:) Reply

Merkie

Posted by: Merkie
Posted: 17th Jul 2010

hoges says: You certainly only eat (and drink) the equivalent of what you've brought with you, unless the host is the one providing the steak and insists that you have some. Everyone can have as much salad as...

Merkie says: I agree entirely, I have a limited budget and don't think it is fair to pay for other peoples expensive meals, a few extra dollars is ok for the sake of convenience but in a large group it can become much more than that. A Reply

BD

Posted by: BD
Posted: 6th Jun 2007

BD says: You should only eat the equivalent of what you have brought, or thereabouts. It really annoys me when people bring some cheap stuff (eg. home brand beer) and they think it entitles them to have whatever they want (eg. imported beer).

You should decide if you're going to split the bill or not before you order your dinner. This way people aren't trying to calculate the cheepest way for them to eat when everyone is ready to pay the bill.

BD Reply

Gus

Posted by: Gus
Posted: 6th Jun 2007

Gus says: I agree.
Only eat the equivalent to what you bring.
Same goes with drinks. Last thing you want is finding out that everyone else has gone through your stash of drinks and left only a bottle of pub squash in the esky.
Should there be food left over and it is offered round, i see no harm in taking portions so long as everyone else is satisfied with what they have had.
At my bbq's, we always cook enough for an army... and whatever is not eaten is used for lunches for the rest of the week. Nothing beats that great smokey taste. Reply

Missy

Posted by: Missy
Posted: 16th Jan 2011

Gus says: I agree.
Only eat the equivalent to what you bring.
Same goes with drinks. Last thing you want is finding out that everyone else has gone through your stash of drinks and left only a bottle...

Missy says: Yes, I'm the same as you Gus and our mates bring more than enough to feed the neighborhood.

As for dinning out I pay for my own, it's easier and it saves any hassles that might occur. Reply

trippykyz

Posted by: trippykyz
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

trippykyz says: Sometimes with BBQ's there is an arrangement in my group of friends where one lot will bring the steaks, the other the salads and another the breads and soft drinks and so on. In that case it is assumed everyone digs in. When the situation of BYOM (Bring Your Own Meat) then I think it is definatley assumed that you only eat what you bring.

As for drinking, yes, just drink what you bring, I am sure if someone wants to offer you one of their drinks they will!

Eating out is tricky, alot of restaurants only allow one bill per table, therefore it is difficult sometimes to split it, I think if the menu prices do not vary so much it is fine to split it, but always better to purchase own drinks as a tea tottler should not have to pay for a thirsty night of drinking by a Jack Daniels lover. That said people who induldge and say have two entrees or a desert when no one else does should always do the polite thing and offer extra money off their own back to save awkward moments.

I think there will always be a 'sponge' that will wonder into your social circle at times but don't let it spoil everything, it won't be long before the invites for the particular person dry up. Reply

cookla

Posted by: cookla
Posted: 26th Feb 2009

trippykyz says: Sometimes with BBQ's there is an arrangement in my group of friends where one lot will bring the steaks, the other the salads and another the breads and soft drinks and so on. In that case it is...

cookla says: i think if you guys have friends that do not hold there own without a legitamite reason then they are not real friends and you need to look at who you hang with
my friends hold their own or have a reason that is acceptable but in saying yhis my friends shout wen i am down and i shout wen they are no biggy tit for tat
or we all put in money and one person goeall the foods and gets Reply

badassftw

Posted by: badassftw
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

badassftw says: Some people take advantage too and be a bit tight in the old funds as well. But with me I am a Head Chef in a restaurant and I get sick of all the good food you have to pay for that I get for free, when was the last time you had oysters so fresh that you saw it havested and then brought in by plane just for your restaurant, pick me.... And for vego's my lawn needs a cut are you hungry. I am very sorry I did'nt meenthat, but I will eat anything as I am a KIWI... SO give me a good leg of roast Lamb or even lamb shanks and you will have a happy Man.... Reply

sharon.nz

Posted by: sharon.nz
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

sharon.nz says: I personally always only eat what I bought to the event and teach my children to do likewise, unless the host insists on trying something of theirs. Certainly that would go for drinks, I would be really annoyed if i found someone drinking my wine or sipping on my G and T!
When eating out in a group generally I am happy to just split the bill as long as it is roughly even (ie within $5-$10), if it looks like I would be at a distinct financial disadvantage I would insist we all pay for our own.
Sharon NZ Reply

Age

Posted by: Age
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

Age says: I feel that if you go to a friend's house for a BBQ you eat what you bought with you, that's how it normally works for us, although if it is a BBQ all the sausages get kind of split between all as most of us bring a snag and a steak. As far as salads etc.. goes normally we all bring a salad of some sort or dessert and that is a free for all. Everyone takes their own alcohol and it is all good. As far as going out for dinner with friends this can sometimes be awkward we normally split it evenly if everyone has had similar i.e. entree and main. It works even better if the restaurant is BYO as some people can order more drinks than others at licenced restaurants and it is not fair for the drivers etc.. Reply

Rachel

Posted by: Rachel
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

Rachel says: In my case, i would either be catering for all or if we have bring a plate, it is with the idea that everyone one brings equal so we can share without there being any issue. It is an upfront discussion to save any embarrassment. For example, we have an 'orphan's christmas' and the person who's house it is delegates to all invitees specific tasks whether it be a dessert or salad or ice etc.

When eating out in a large group, we tend to book somewhere that does banquets, that way it is all the same price and everyone chips in for drinks. If it is a la carte the question is asked what people wish to do and then follow that. Reply

Aaurora

Posted by: Aaurora
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

Aaurora says: yes, I certainly agree with the majority. If you want to bring a kilo of sausages which cost $2, please do not tuck into the steak, which is worth $20! Reply

yupini

Posted by: yupini
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

yupini says: At a bbq, eat the equivalent of what you've brought, but we always endeavour to bring more than necessary so that we are free to have a bit of everything on offer. We do have friends however, who come with the cheapest cuts of meat, and then tuck into eveything else except what they've bought, which we all find quite rude.

This is the same principle as bringing over a bottle of wine and sharing it at the table, rather than the host keeping it for themselves and serving a bottle of cheaper or already opened wine.

Eating out, pay for your own meal. We usually eat in large groups (10+) and everyone puts the approximate of what their meal cost and the leftover money we leave as a tip for the waiter. Reply

Mark

Posted by: Mark
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

Mark says: Sharing is caring. Some people organise their BBQ's in a sort of "you bring the salads and nibblies, we'lll do the meat". I think that brings mroe poeple together rather than eeryone sitting down and eating all seperate foods that they brought themselves. Dont be rude, thats the key. If your host doesn't mind you eating the bit of steak, then you are allowed to eat it.

With the dinner bill, I believe you pay for what you ate. If eeryone had roughly had the same dollar value to eat, whats a few bucks between friends? Reply

Lady T

Posted by: Lady T
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

Lady T says: If you feel like steak then dont bring sausages...... If you feel like sausages then bring sausages, if you feel like both the bring both. But i cant stand cheap skates like that. They always bring the cheapest meat but eat the most expensive, bring the worst beer but only drink the good one that you bought. I would have to say that drives me crazy. Bring what you enjoy!!!!!
As for spliting the bill i think it should be split equaly between the group, how much more is it going to add to yours really..... If you like the people your dining with then it wont be that bad paying a little bit extra.
If its a trend that a particular person is taking advantage of the equal split and orders the most expensive things etc. then you can just pay for your things but really dont add it the last dollar and cents. Always put in a little more and dont wait for the 50c change. Reply

Anonymous

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

says: I have my own dietary needs too after a kidney transplant where I need to monitor my salt intake, and so I am happier to eat what I have prepared for a BBQ myself, rather than share what others have brought. I guess I am one of the nicer ones, though, as I always take more than I need and offer it to others.

As for splitting the bill, you get to know the people who are going to order the most expensive stuff on the menu and then request that the bill is split evenly - I am not happy about that at all as I feel that that is taking advantage. My partner and I have 5 kids and so meals are always quite expensive for us anyway - who would want to pay for all of us? We have people over for meals often as I am cooking for an army already, but we now choose who we go out with because we have been burned a few times too many. Reply

bockie

Posted by: bockie
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

bockie says: I am of similar views where you eat what you bring. But others don't always know the 'rules' so I always make sure I bring more than enough for just the two of us. Then I get to eat what we brought but someone else can sample it too.

As for eating out with a group, it really depends on the group and how well you know them. If everyone has eaten/drank roughly the same, I say split it. But IF one couple has ordered entree, main AND dessert + a bottle of the best, I say they pay for what they had! Reply

Ali

Posted by: Ali
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

Ali says: Usually when we go to a friends for a BBQ we take our own meat and only eat what we bring. We always work out who will do the salads, dessert and nibbles and share those between us, it seems to work out OK!
When going out for dinner we always split the bill evenly amongst the group, who can be bothered at the end of a lovely meal to add up what each person had!! Although we always make sure if there are people who don't drink alcohol that we pay extra, it is hardly fair to expect them to shout your drinks! Reply

jaffe

Posted by: jaffe
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

jaffe says: I just think it makes things easier if you eat and drink what you bought, or pay for what you ordered. People exist on all sorts of financial levels, and just splitting the bill evenly makes budgeting difficult. If you are short of money you tend to order or buy less expansively then others and their is nothing wrong with that. Having said this, a little bit of sharing and shouting inevitably happens at social eating and drinking gatherings. Just as long as the sharing is limited and sincere it raises a lot less problems. Reply

sandals

Posted by: sandals
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

sandals says: I personally think it's only fair that you eat what you bought to the BBQ unless it is already agreed upon for everyone to just pool everything and help yourself to whatever.
I don't agree with the splitting of the entire bill at a restaurant between everyone as that might put someone in an awkward position of not being able to afford to spend more than what they had planned on. Reply

Rick

Posted by: Rick
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

Rick says: I think it depends on who you are doing it with because some of my friends owe me alot of mony and i owe him alot of money so if i was having dinner with him i would pay for it all and the next time he would pay so its kind of a cylce but with my family we devide the bill evenly even if you order the biggest meal or the smallest. Reply

happy

Posted by: happy
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

happy says: I went to a bbq once with nice juicy pork chops, some one decided they liked pork chops & took them without asking, we were left with dried steak i couldn't get my teeth through------how rude !

Eating out we should pay for what we choose, there,s always small eaters & large eaters, lets keep everyone happy------Cheers! Reply

Dags

Posted by: Dags
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

Dags says: The best barbie is," I'll cook you dinner bring yourselves and your drinks".
For those "FRIENDS" that bring sausages and request steak, I hope they enjoyed their one and only invitation.
Bringing cheep cuts and drinks and scabbing the best cuts and drinks is nothing short intentionaly ripping off your host and blatant thievery from your friends.

If I invited some friends out for dinner, the bill is mine to look after. If i was invited out I would expect that we would split the bill equally, If the host offered to pick up the bill I would understand.
If dining with aquaintences or collegues you should roughly round up the cost of your meal to the nearest ten dollar and present that to the organiser of the group. If someone is being a tight ass this additional money may cover the short fall and if the organiser ends up with a cheap feed good luck to them, hopfully they will arrange more outings. Reply

kerryberry

Posted by: kerryberry
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

kerryberry says: For the first question...I think you should only eat what you bring, unless you are only told to bring some meat for example, then you have the right to eat what you want.

Question Two...It depends on who you are with. Most times I pay for what I eat and drink. Someone could order the crayfish on the menu, and everyone else will subsidise that persons bill. Reply

lial

Posted by: lial
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

lial says: It is only good manners to only eat what you brought, UNLESS someone offers you some of theirs. Bit of a no brainer that one! I am a sheep farmer so BBQ's at our place are plenty of home grown spring lamb chops. If hosting, I would provide all the meat and request people bring a salad and/or sweets TO SHARE.

In regards to eating out, I think it is less hassle to split the bill evenly. If you've had a nice night out catching up with friends who cares about spending an extra few dollars subsidising some-one else gluttony? Reply

magicalmarilyn

Posted by: magicalmarilyn
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

magicalmarilyn says: Because of health reasons, I eat only chemical-free food so always take my own. I don't mind sharing but it did annoy me when my work colleagues used all my milk and I had to have black coffee. They were aware of why I provided my own, but just dismissed it as unimportant. How would you have dealt with the situation? Reply

PJ

Posted by: PJ
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

PJ says: I have quite a few food allergies so more often than not I take my own food everywhere I go. I have been caught out with this on occasion, especially on weekends away with a large group. Everyone puts their food in the fridge and it becomes a free for all. For me however, if someone eats my gluten, dairy, egg, soy, corn and shellfish free food (to name a few of my allergies- there are 30+ all up!) it's not as easy to find something else I can eat. With close friends it is ok- most of them know the deal and leave my stuff alone, however when we spent a weekend with a large group (50+ people sharing a ski lodge) for a friend's wedding even though my food was labeled as mine with a note asking all to leave it and why, I found that a number of people helped themselves forcing me to search the local shops for replacements (which in a rural area was not all that easy!) After the first day we had to find alternate accomodation as even after politely broaching the subject with everyone it didn't make a difference. We learnt a lesson for future functions.

At a BBQ or dinner at a friend's house I normally take my own food as I don't expect the hosts to cater for my special dietary needs. It is appreciated though when someone makes a special effort to understand the restrictions and make make something that I can eat.
When we eat out with friends we normally split the bill. With friends we eat out with regularly it works out over time so no one ends up out of pocket.

Another situation that I have noticed is eating out with a large group with a set menu, it is better to collect the money beforehand as without fail someone will leave without paying or neglect to pay for their drinks on top of the meal price or to include a small amount for a tip. It always seems to be the same people who pick up the shortfall as well.

I think it all comes down to common courtesy and respect fo others. Reply

nomad

Posted by: nomad
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

nomad says: I feel that at a bbq it's free for all to a certain degree but then you can have some people that attend your bbq's that don't bring anything but pig out on what everyone else has brought which is not fair. With our family bbq's most times everyone brings a small salad, meat and their drinks it just depends on the occassion. Sometimes it's just meat and sald and drinks are provided. With dining out the bill should be either divided evenly if everyone ordered approximately the same or everyone pay for what they ordered individually. If the restraunt doesn't spilt bills then take mental note of how much your meal was and put that in plus your drinks. Reply

simo

Posted by: simo
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

simo says: Bill should be split evenly amongst the group- bbq should be eat what you can not what you bring, but in saying that you should be generous in what you bring. Eating out or dining with friends and family is meant to be social gathering and the exchange of company for enjoyment. If you people are so hard up and penny pincing that you need to count whether you got your share at a comunal dining out or gathering maybe you should have stayed at home. Remeber the sharing of food is one of the greatest gift to be exchanged in many cultures around the world, sit back and enjoy and share people don't be so tight and anal. Reply

Isildae

Posted by: Isildae
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

Isildae says: I always aim to take more than what we as a family would normally consume, that way I don't feel guilty. I think if someone is hosting an event, it's only fair to take extra because they have done extra work in organising the event, cleaning up afterwards, doing the cooking etc. They shouldn't be out of pocket on top of that. I'm not a big eater but my husband is a steak man so he takes a couple of his preferred cut and makes sure he always gets at least one.

Eating out with a group depends on which group. If it's a few close friends I might suggest splitting the bill evenly. A large group of workmates I would be more inclined to pay individually because I'm not a big eater and I don't drink and I resent paying for someone's desert or over-priced wine. Reply

Alicia

Posted by: Alicia
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

Alicia says: If you go to a friends house for dinner, you usually take somehitng to help out with the food quantities. Every one shares with every one, with no pressure.

If you go out for dinner, you shouil only pay for what you ate, as not every one can afford the oysters etc and are there for a good time, not an expensive time Reply

Ez

Posted by: Ez
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

Ez says: I dont think it is ok to eat steak if you only brought sausages If you are told to bring what you would eat. Unless there was prior arragements with the parties. " you get the sausages and i'll get steak / chops" - that to me its ok.
What really bothers me is when Chicken is on the BBQ - for people who dont eat red meat. A friend brings her own chicken or if someone is having a BBQ they will purchase some chicken. It's not on offer for everyone just to have chicken, when normally they would be happy just to eat sausages.

As for Resturants i think it should be pay for your own, there is nothing worse than going out with a group of people who have expensive tastes in wine and food, or have a big appite, when you are happy to have an entre serve because your not too well off.
Reply

Boz

Posted by: Boz
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

Boz says: I'm astonished! I haven't been to a BBQ (as opposed to a picnic) where the host hasn't provided the food for at least 20 years. The rule has been "host provides food, guests bring drinks". Some people will bring a salad, even perhaps a dessert, but the bulk is the host's responsibility. Having said that, the "don't consume more than you bring" rule applies to drinks. Just as the hosts shouldn't stash away what you bring. I once worked with a Pom who would relieve you of your carefully chosen wine at his front door and then pour you his undrinkable home-brewed beer. Reply

Joce

Posted by: Joce
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

Joce says: I would only eat what I bought, unless we were all asked to bring a specific item toget a good mixture. A good idea is for the host/ess to buy all the meat and everyone put some money towards it then you get a good variety.


When eating out with a group if it is family or good friends we would usually split the bill. If it is with people I do not know well then I would prefer to pay for separately. Reply

Curley

Posted by: Curley
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

Curley says: Well a bbq with friends, if I invite anyone over for a bbq I believe as part of the invitation I am not saying please come over but bring you own food. If famiily budget is a little tight buy the food accordingly but I woud be offended if Iheld a bbq and people bought their own meat. Should the bbq in a park or the like then this is different, either the meal is divided up on what you bring overwise I would only eat what I bought and would feel extremely uncomfortable eating other peoples, in saying this I would definitely offer any additional food I had to others.
With eating out in a group I like the idea of evenly splitting the bill however I usually take the kids(only one eats) and I always like to give some extra for the additional head, also when dining with family out we have now started a deal where once every six months or so we all go out, one couple chooses the place to go and also pays the bill. This is a nice way of appreciating each other. Reply

Anonymous

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

says: At a bbq or similar I would generally always bring something that is good quality (no cheap sausages) and would expect to be able to have a little bit of everything. This tends to be how things work with our group fo friends. As for drinks the generally rule is that you only drink what you brought unless someone offers you a drink.

As for eating out I am happy to split the bill if I am eating out in a small group. Whe it is a bigger group I would generally roughly calculate what my share of the bills is and then add a couple of dollars - this ensures that the person paying the bill doesn't get left to pay any excess if there isn't enough money in the hat. I find that this is generally how it is done, unless everyine has eaten roughly the same thing in which case the bill is just split evenly. Reply

antzr

Posted by: antzr
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

antzr says: I suppose it all depends on how well you know them. I'm one for sharing with friends. If we have a BBQ/dinner at our place we always share as well as provide ample food for everyone. If going out to dinner depends on the company and type of food. If you go to chinese/asian for example we believe it's all about sharing the dishes. In regards to splitting the bill we usually split the bill evenly as it seems to work out in the end. Sometimes there are exceptions eg: someone doesn't drink. If we don't know the group very well we go with the flow and see what the majority want to do. Reply

lisa1

Posted by: lisa1
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

lisa1 says: Any time I have a function or friends over, be it for 4 or 60 (big family) we provide all the nibblies, food(incl.alcohol) and drink. So in return whenever I attend a function at their houses I feel free to eat and drink as I please. If it is a new friend I will take quality food like I would normally eat and inturn fell free to consume freely. And I always feed my children well, none of this steak for me sausage for you kind if thing, I really hate seeing that (unless of course as some kids are, that's all they'll eat)

When we eat out it depends on who it is with. With close family/friends someone will always shout everyone regardless of who ordered what, seems to rotate fairly evenly though the parents seem to do so more often despite protest, but I guess I'll be the same when my children are adults. With other family or friends everyone pays their own way. Reply

Beva

Posted by: Beva
Posted: 7th Jun 2007

Beva says: BBQ-Eat what you bring. If your ahst cook something for everyone-don't be a tighty!!
Split bill-always, nothing ruins a good night than the bill fight. If you enjoy each other enough to dine together, then thats more important than money. If the money worries you, then should you be breaking bread with these people?
Pet Hate-Leave left over alcohol in the fridge, the host will have plenty of tidying, you wont miss two stubbies and its a small price to pay for a good night. Always leave the grog, and always offer to wash up. Reply

Sam

Posted by: Sam
Posted: 8th Jun 2007

Sam says: When we have bbq with friends we all tend to bring meat to be shared. Maybe we take chicken and sausages and they take steak and chops, but we both supply enough of each for us all to share.

If we are eating out with friends we generally all pay for what we order. Reply

Hannie

Posted by: Hannie
Posted: 8th Jun 2007

Hannie says: Play it by ear. If its a close group or family bbq then bring to share and eat what's been shared. In less comfortable bbq's look around to see what other people are doing, if it is a big bbq or party sometimes a small group will get together to cook then offer the food to everyone in the group. If you're are unsure just eat your own, but always bring more than just your share and always offer.

Going out to dinner is always great fun, but for me it is always a little uneasy at bill time. I think it's about time restaurants made it easy for each person to pay seperate! Would make the whole dining experience so much smoother! You've always got to pitch in more than what you ordered, it usually ends up that one person at least ends up paying much less. Take note restauranturs, start splitting the bill! Reply

Anonymous

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 8th Jun 2007

says: I was always taught by my parents to only eat your food or the equivalent when you go to a bbq where food is combined. eg. if you bring sausages then stick to sausages. If you take a salad then it's fine to try other peoples salads. I think another thing to keep in mind is the number of people you attend a bbq with as I have seen families with 5 kids turn up with one salad and then all pile their plates up as high as they can. Being a Mum of 3 kids with big appetities I always consider this when invited to bbqs and tend to bring more than is neccessary.

As far as eating out with a group, each should pay for only what they had to save any hard feelings Reply

shell

Posted by: shell
Posted: 8th Jun 2007

shell says: Its called common sense. Its only fair that if you are out to dinner and your meal is more expensive you pay the extra. Usually we would pay by individually putting in what our meal cost. At BBQ's if all are bring something to share, then its a group situation and all feel free to help yourself. Reply

Author

Posted by: Author
Posted: 8th Jun 2007

Author says: Agree with those who suggest generally eating what you take, or the same amount. But find it hard to believe that many people actually worry too much about who is eating what. I find it a bit anti-social if people merely cook whatever they bring - would rather that everything is pooled and shared.
Sharing the bill at a restaurant would depend on what specific arrangements have been made at the outset. What's a few dollars one way or the other between friends? Reply

Anonymous

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 9th Jun 2007

says: I do not expect my family and friends bring anything to my BBQ's. However I am lucky to have wonderful people who bring things with out being asked. They do the same for us and i am happy to bring things in return even though it is never expected. Unfortunately there is always a spoilt sport in every group and unluckily for us it is close family. They always insist on phoning in a "list" of specific items to every one coming or order up big when we go out, so others end up coughing extra in thier bills. Our solution to this is not to go or to not invite them. But unfortunately this causes fights and the old "why were't we invited?!!" When we tell them why it causes another fight. They always invite invite as people as possible to, so that if everyone brings food and drinks they wont have to provide anything, and of course more people = more presents! There is also the case of "favours". My hubby works in the building indusrty and has no problem helping family and friends when they need it. However these same people are majorly taking advatage of his help. This time round he has said I can't help you anymore ( he did give them a reason but too lenghty to go into here) and this caused another fight. We love our family and love spending time with them and want them to be happy, but we will not be taken advantage of. We have tried explaining the situation to them but it is not well received and I dont feel that cutting them off is the solution (nor do i want to). I honestly do love them and when they put thier selfishness aside they are really great to hang out with and we end up having a ball.

Many of you probably have a similar thing where the whole BBQ thing is just the tip of the ice berg. How did you handle it? Got any tips, especially for dealing with family? Reply

bj

Posted by: bj
Posted: 27th Jan 2008

bj says: HI, re the meat eaters, I eat very little. We have a large garden that has many fresh goodies, much better than the shop supply. I think where possible people should plant at least salad items.
As for the paying when go out, YES I believe in this age of equal state each should pay for self. I would hate to pay for a meal that the eater ate 2 items and left the rest. BBQ time same if fussy take your own, we do. Plus take a salad or sweet. Reply

Anonymous

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 7th May 2008

says: Yup, we have one of just those kinds of friends. He is one of a few singles in our group of mostly couples, some kids. He either brings nothing, or just a bottle of drink to bbqs. He has even shown up with opened and half eaten bags of chips or packets of tim tams. Euck. God knows how long the biscuits were open on his coffee table before he so generously (?) offered them to us. He eats a LOT and nearly always asks for seconds. He has dinner at our place at least once a week, calling to invite himself over, saying that as a live alone bachelor he needs a good home cooked meal. We have known him for so long we feel obligated to invite him, and when we haven't, he gets mighty upset that he was not included. I guess the main reason we all keep including him is partly not wanting to cause a confrontation, and partly pity because there has only been one girlfriend in three years and we know he is lonely. I am not sure we have any hope of fixing his slob status and natural lack of manners. We are stuck with him the way he is. Lucky for him, he is usually fun. Reply

Anonymous

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 9th Jun 2007

says: When we have a BBQ at our place we tell everyone not to bring anything & then if they insist perhaps just some nibbles, it's the same when we go to any of our friend's places. Although everyone seems to take their own drinks, although there is always wine here that we are only too happy to share & again the same when we go to other's place. As regards splitting the bill, we have 3 other couples that we go out with regularly (so a total of 8 of us), & some are vegetarians, some don't drink as much but everyone always just wants to split the bill evenly, it makes it easier & we are all happy to do that. Reply

Copp

Posted by: Copp
Posted: 9th Jun 2007

Copp says: As a teenager, my friends and i have many BBQ's believe it or not (its not all just takeaway). What we do is we organise who will be eating with us and how hungry we all are. As we all have part time jobs, if we buy 20-30 sausages, 2 loafs of bread, a few onions and some chips and drinks, then the total cost each is not that much. I think if your going to have a BBQ, organise what people should bring and what not, and just have a big gathering in which everyone shares. The best environment is when its a friendly environment and when we are not worrying about a dollar or 2 extra for this person because he had a steak.
As for dinner though, if you go to an expensive restaurant, there is nothing worst than when you have a light easy salad costing only $10-$15 and your mate across from you ordering a lobster for $50, and then having to split the bill at the end. I think if its basically the same, within say $10 then dont worry about it, but if it is a huge different then the perosn with the highest amount should OFFER at leats to pay extra. Reply

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 10th Jun 2007

says: If I have a BBQ at my house, I welcome people to bring things if they have particular tastes in meats / seafood or gluten free items that I could not find myself, however if they were to bring too much meat and only have theirs, as a host I would also be offended, almost a case of thinking that my food is not good enough to eat. I would say however that what we offer on the bbq menu suits the general person, we have everything from sausages (not the cheap crappy ones but gourmet/European sausages) to lamb / pork chops, steak, burgers (all home made) and various gourmet salads. If you plan the bbq and make the invite, then cater quality dishes (none of this store bought $2 plain sausages or serving bought dips in their boxes, take the time and prepare your own burgers, marinate your chops / prawns etc, well, its only a sign that you value good quality food and you think your guests are worthy of going to the trouble for).

If it's a very spontaneous bbq then its understandable if people bring and make something up themselves to get the bbq happening faster. Providing all the food when you're playing host may be dearer however your turn will come when someone else plays host, this takes the focus of who brought what and how much each food is worth, to actually enjoying the day. Alcohol however can get a little pricey, and while I offer reasonable wines, beers, soft drinks I find that most people out of respect bring their own spirits so drinks have never been allowed to become an issue.

Please note that while we do provide lots of food and alcohol we are on an average income but when it comes to food we never cut corners, if we couldn't afford it at that time we wouldn't make the invite.

In the case of going out, it is only fair that everyone pays for what they consumed so through into the total bill your meal value rounded up. Reply

Tomo

Posted by: Tomo
Posted: 15th Jun 2007

Tomo says: You should only eat what you brought unless it is offered by others Reply

Pidgy

Posted by: Pidgy
Posted: 16th Jun 2007

Pidgy says: Really it all depends on the group of friend, most of the time most friends will eat the equivalent to what they bring, many of the BBQ's or dinner partys many times the host looks after the catering.

With going out to dinner, it is generally easier just to split the entire amount, I guess it is a bit of a guy thing pizza is ordered and cost $25.00 and 6 blokes all throw in $5.00 giving $30 and noone wants the change.... Reply

eviee1

Posted by: eviee1
Posted: 16th Jun 2007

eviee1 says: Only eat what you've brought to the bbq, and also pay for your own meal, that way there'll be no resentments, I alwasys pay my own way, even if a guy offers, that way they don't think they've "bought me" Reply

possiepye

Posted by: possiepye
Posted: 22nd Jun 2007

possiepye says: If I have people over I supply the food and the visitors bring their drinks and a salad or sweet. The same when we go out. Of course if they run out of drinks you have some of theirs or visa versa. We always take something to share. If we were asked to bring our own meat we would only eat what we took unless we were invited to eat some one elses.

If I go out to eat we only pay for what we personally ordered and sometimes we may share a certain food where you would share the cost of that. Reply

smokey

Posted by: smokey
Posted: 27th Jun 2007

smokey says: With my family since we are from a big family majority of our bbq's are BYO Meat, Drinks and a small salad, unless stated on the invitation. As some of the Younger ones prefer to supply the Meat or the Drinks and just get the guests to bring their own Alcohol or a salad. it just depends on the Occassion and who is hosting it to want we bring with us. Reply

nemesis

Posted by: nemesis
Posted: 29th Jun 2007

nemesis says: Yes. It's frustrating for other guests, when they go to eat the lovely steak they brought, only to find it's all been eating by someone who brought sausages. You should always bring more than you intend to eat, to ensure there's plenty for all.
As for the group at dinner, if I have invited people for dinner, I like to pay for all of them, despite their protests, or at lest pay for their drinks.
If we are putting in our bit, each person should work out their part of the bill, then round it up, to the nearest $5-$10, to make sure there's enough money, and to leave enough for a tip. Reply

Lady Butterfly

Posted by: Lady Butterfly
Posted: 11th Jul 2007

Lady Butterfly says: Everyone should be allocated to bring certain foods/drinks to the occasion. You should be able to eat and drink what you want
as what you have brough to the party should be of similar value of everyone elses! eg. if you are bringing sausages - bring a more expensive wine, if you are bringing steak - bring softdrink. or desserts..etc.
Splitting bills...hmmm... i have some friends that will count down every last $ and make sure they get there $2.25 change from the pool of money, but I think you should just be fair. Split the bill but if you have had something significantly more extensive - eg. steak (lots of steak today!) you should put in more and let the group know - so that someone else who had a cheaper meal can get some $ in return - if they choose not to tip! Reply

visualowl

Posted by: visualowl
Posted: 11th Jul 2007

visualowl says: I believe, also, that you should only eat the equivalent of what you bought with you! And if you are out with a group I think that each individual should pay for their own order.
When we organise a bbq at our home, we supply the food i.e sausages, bbq steak, bacon, kebabs etc and the salads and also desserts. As for drinks, we supply beer but spirits etc you have to bring yourself! Reply

Anonymous

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 11th Jul 2007

says: I think it depends on the people you are going to have a bq with. Like, if i went to a bbq with my grnadprents or aunties I would feel free to help myself to whatever because i know they would do the same at my familys place. If it was people I didnt really know I proably wouldnt though.

Well, I'v never been in that situation, Im only 16 and my parents always take care of that for me. But, when I'm older, I think I would make sure if I ordered alot more than the others I payed the extra. Reply

Jess

Posted by: Jess
Posted: 12th Jul 2007

Jess says: With an estended Family like mine, consisting of 15 adults + spouse + over 60 grandchildren, much preparation is required. We try to attend a family gathering every two years, where beforehand, letters are sent out and money is sent in.



Reply

Beckie_0811

Posted by: Beckie_0811
Posted: 12th Jul 2007

Beckie_0811 says: I believe you should only eat what your brought, Unless offered. I don't think its right to eat someones steak just because your a cheap arse, also only pay for what you ate, why should other people have to pay for what they did not eat? Or why should you have to pay for what other people ate? Its only fair that you eat and pay for what you brought/ate. Reply

Nielly28

Posted by: Nielly28
Posted: 12th Jul 2007

Nielly28 says: HI,

In my family when we go over to a friends or families house or even ours, we all bring a plate or two of things and then we all share.
When we go out for dinner we usually pay for ourselves as I know wouldn't wante to be paying for someone who spent $20 on a meal and I only spent $10, and i am sure when it comes down to it neither would they, but hey this is my opinion Reply

britti

Posted by: britti
Posted: 14th Jul 2007

britti says: well, i am a vegetarian and have been all my life and i find it a bit unfair that, because the meat dishes cost more, we still have to pay the same price because im not just paying for my dish i am paying for half of somone elses meat dish which i want know part of. i am not paying for the carcases of dead animals and thats final!!! Reply

lisalisa

Posted by: lisalisa
Posted: 14th Jul 2007

lisalisa says: Well in my personal situation, when invited out to a friends place for a bbq, I always bring a selection of things, such as a bottle of wine, bread, and some meat or home made salads, therefore, I dont feel bad if I sample a few things that I havent bought, plus all of my friends do the same... so everyone bogs in and has a great meal and a great time, and as for dining out at restaurants, we all pay seperately, or if it is a banquet situation eg. chinese food... we split the bill evenly between the number of guests Reply

Anonymous

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 15th Jul 2007

says: To the bbq scenario i feel that you should only eat what you bring because you never know who's food your eating otherwise and whether or not they actually wanted to eat it themselves. If they offer it off then sure jump right in and claim it before anyone else does but if they dont then, leave it to them.

With the splitting of the bill, my friends and i find it easier to just pay for what you ordered, because sometimes people are made to pay double of what their meal actually costed and thats hardly fair on them. No when it comes to dining out, pay for what you ate and it should keep everyone happy. Reply

Anonymous

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 16th Jul 2007

says: Bill Splitting - Usually I am the driver and am not drinking but I still have to pay for everyone elses drinks when the bill is split - this can mean that I have a $20 meal but end up paying nearly double that as well as having to pay for parking and petrol in the car. This tends to make me a little cranky.
BBQ - If I go to a BBQ I think that you should eat what you bring - within reason. Some people get very funny about the type of steak they have bought with them!!!! Reply

Anonymous

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 16th Jul 2007

says: the way me and my friends have a bbq is that we nominate an amout per person say $5 or $10 each we give the money to the host of the bbq with suggestions of what we like and then its up to the host what to buy. That way its even and we can have as much as we want.

when we go out as a group it is much the same we split the bill evenly. And we take turns on where to go so it costs everyone the same amount and everyone gets to go to a place they like Reply

Anonymous

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 20th Jul 2007

says: bring what you want to eat if its like a huge birthday BBQ and ur just helping out friends by bringing lots of food then you can eat what you want but remember your friends might be bringing just what they want 2 eat and u might be taking there lunch/dinner. Reply

Anonymous

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 23rd Jul 2007

says: in the sense of being out. i think you need to get it straight at the beginning of the night. if the crowd can't all afford it then maybe say "buy your drinks from the bar" Reply

Janine

Posted by: Janine
Posted: 24th Jul 2007

Janine says: I love going out to dinner at a restuarant or a friends place. As I come from England it was hard to adjust to the aussie byo or bring a plate!!! In England we would find it rude if we invited yourself for dinner and you brought food with you!!! Alcohol was excepted as a present not for you to drink!!!

However having lived here for some 10 years now and have made many friends we tend to go out for banquet lunches /dinners where there is a price per head which covers the drama of how many kids have you bought with you and who had what??? As for me and my dinner parties we seem to have come to an agreement that when we host a dinner we provide everything except alcohol and just take it in turns!!! It seems to work for us.

Addressing your topic, I think splitting the bill, whatever you ate or however many kids someone has, should not be a problem if you are amongst friends!!! As for the Aussie BBQ , sharing is a great quality in Australians and they always want you to try some delicous fish/meat that they have marinated etc etc!!! Reply

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 1st Aug 2007

says: For most BBQ's i find people over cater, you always bring as much as you like to eat and a little bit more, so I think sharing food around is fine.
As with resturants and paying, i think the bill should be split not exactly how much each person spent, but kind of in a ratio if that makes any sense.. Reply

sunshine

Posted by: sunshine
Posted: 2nd Aug 2007

sunshine says: Look its dinner etticute ( i know I dont know how to spell). Bbq situations are a hard thing to think about but I think If a person invites you over for a bbq its there right as a host to provide all the meat cause its there bbq theyll be using. Guest sould only bring the cold foods like salads, the side dishes as you may. But my logic is if they invite you over to their house and dont tell you to bring anything then you dont have to.

Group situation in a restaraunt depends as well. For birthdays, the birthday boy/girl DOES NOT PAY. If its a bunch of friends meeting up just for dinner, then each pays for their own meal, except if someone could afford it but got draged along anyway well then its their friends responsibility to make sure their meal is paid for. I mean they did tell you they couldnt afford it but u insisted them come anyway. In a date situation Its the person that instigate the date that pays not the other way round, But look out because If you pay for the meal then the other person is obligged to pay you back for another meal if the date was sucsessful the other party qwill call you and invite you out, If not then srry but stiop ringing everyday. its normally a sign that there NOT INTERESTED. Reply

misslaugh2much.

Posted by: misslaugh2much.
Posted: 2nd Aug 2007

misslaugh2much. says: I reckon thats quite a hard decision to make. hmmmm what usually happens where ever I go out to eat, someones usually shouting so they pay but we argue on who should pay saying ' no i should' '' no i should because....'' and stuff like that, being polite. I reckon about the eating bit : eat whatver, you didn't bring chips or whatever just so you and your family could eat them right? so you should be able to eat everything and try everything thats on the table and even though you may not want it or like it and the creator of the food wants you to try some, put it on your plate and jst try some. if you don't like it, don;t eat it but don't be rude and throw it in the bin right in their face Reply

ADS

Posted by: ADS
Posted: 2nd Aug 2007

ADS says: Peter, I think if you attack a BBQ without worrying about that topic and just take more than required, you can enjoy yourself. Worrying about who brought what is easily quashed when you rock up with excess food and alcohol and leave what ever is left behind as a thankyou for having us.

Depending on the group. Close friends split in half or cover the bill, again dependant on how many are present. Group of mixed friends and acquaintances - pay for your own.

Cheers.....ADS Reply

hails81

Posted by: hails81
Posted: 3rd Aug 2007

hails81 says: Mmmm,
I think it depends on what the host says when they invite you.
If they say BYO, then BYO and eat what you bring.
But if they are poviding Meat, for example, then that suggests that meat is to share around, so you bring sides to share around too.
I really think you should drink alcohol you bring, again unless supplied by the host.
Softdrinks etc are up for grabs, especially for kids, but I think keep your own alcohol to yourself, and let people know if you are happy to share yours. But I wouldn't help myself to others drinks unless they suggested it.

Reply

Katehead

Posted by: Katehead
Posted: 3rd Aug 2007

Katehead says: WELL in the case of eating out for dinner with mates, i think it depends on first of all , where your eating at, and second how expensive your meal is. For instance, if your meal was valued at say $10, then you wouldn't really want to have to pay $70 just coz someone else ordered a really expensive meal!!!!
As with the case of the BBQ, as it is a more relaxed situation, you could probably get away with eating as much as you liked, that is assuming that it is over catered for of course. So if there's a lot of food, eat your fill, if there is just enough to go around, then only eat your share.
That being said, I would be inclined to follow suit of what the majority of people are doing, so if they're all stuffing themselves, why not? If they're all splitting the bill then why not chip in???
Over and out...
Kate xoxox Reply

JCrugnale92

Posted by: JCrugnale92
Posted: 4th Aug 2007

JCrugnale92 says: I think personally a bbq is like a gathering of friends (Well it is). You all bring the food and someone cooks it up. If i only bought some onions to the bbq i wouldnt just eat them id have a bit of everything because thats what a bbq is. Everyone brings food. Everyone eats food. Simple.

Also if your in a group ordering a group meal, i think everyone one should pay what they ordered for otherwise its just rude for someone else to pay for your meal. UNLESS someone is genuinly willing to pay for it, then yeah let them go ahead, but if your not willing to pay for your own meal then i just find it plain rude!!! Talk about a free ride! Reply

Sparky5115

Posted by: Sparky5115
Posted: 13th Aug 2007

Sparky5115 says: I feel most comfortable only eating what I brought to a BBQ. If the host has provided salad or potato bake, I would indulge though. Often I just get half a dozen chicken kebabs because they are easy to cook and eat outdoors. Bring your own grog but you can share an esky with somebody else. If at the end of the cooking there is food leftover and the cook declares that everybody can help themselves, then I might indulge in that too.

I definately feel most comfortable with everybody paying for EXACTLY what they ordered, and don't forget corkage fees need to be added too. You rarely find that everybody has the same tastes or financial status in a large group. Reply

woogle

Posted by: woogle
Posted: 9th Sep 2007

woogle says: In regards to the first senario I think at a BBQ if there is multiple cooks, or everyone cooking their own then eat only what you bought but if it's a communal BBQ with one cook and everything is mixed people are going to eat your sausages so grab a steak if you want one.

As for dining out it all depends on the group. Family/ Partners/Friends split the bill evenly regardless but if it's for double dates, work, sporting groups anything like that, pay for your own meal unless the dates going well then buy your dates aswell. Reply

Mrs E

Posted by: Mrs E
Posted: 21st Sep 2007

Mrs E says: I HATE free loaders! Only eat what is rightfully yours, if u r too lame to bring steak-u ain't gonna get it! Besides live a little-buy bloody steak...
When eatting out with other couples we generally split the bill in half. It generally works out about right anyway. I always seem to eat the most expensive meal but don't drink, others eat low cost but will have 1 or 2 bev's. That said we had one particular "friend" who always ate the most expensive item, always had drinks (plenty) & always had dessert. If we dined with him we paid for what we ate! So i guess it really is "case sensitive". Try the split, if u think it's unfair, u'll know next time to pay seperate. When doing this most resturants r only to happy to show u the bill, so as u know who ordered what. Reply

tasha

Posted by: tasha
Posted: 21st Sep 2007

tasha says: dinner time at our place is the best time to catch up with my kids and have a chat about their days at school or whatever.
I love eating out with a view of the beach or a nice picnic in our local botanic gardens.A bbq is also a great activity but if you are a vege, take what yoy like to eat in a group agree on who eats what before hand, and when a group goes out i always prefer tp pay for what i eat because i am not a big eater so i will not pay for someones elses gluttony i dont like freeloaders! Reply

navygirl

Posted by: navygirl
Posted: 12th Oct 2007

navygirl says: On the BBQ front, we normally eat what we bring, but most of the time it ends up in a group situation so its all put together.
I usually judge that situation when we get there. If the host is only cooking enough for his own family then I ensure that I advise
my kids what we have taken so they don't go chowing down on someones marinated steak.

If out to dinner, I take an estimate of what my/our meal / drinks costs plus a portion towards the breads and round it off to the nearest dollar, none of this counting out change stuff to ensure I only pay the right amount...Usually if everyone does the same we end up with a tad extra for a tip, but only if the service is good...and thats usually done by a general consensus around the group Reply

Jo

Posted by: Jo
Posted: 1st Nov 2007

Jo says: I think it is really bad manners to take steak if you only bought sausages, unless of course it is offered to you. I dont believe you should only eat exactly what you bought but I do believe you should only eat the equivalant. Salad, dips, deserts etc should be for everyone though to have as much as they want (to a point) I also think it is rude to eat enough for 10 people especially if you didnt contribute. Reply

PATRICIA

Posted by: PATRICIA
Posted: 2nd Nov 2007

PATRICIA says: I BELIEVE THAT MOST OF THESE PEOPLE THAT HAVE ANSWERED ARE SPLITTING HAIRS. IF IT IS FAMILY OR FRIENDS, WHO CARES WHO EATS WHAT. YOU ARE THERE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AND SOCIALISE. IF YOU ARE GOING TO WATCH AND MAKE SURE THAT YOU COUNT HOW MANY DOLLARS EVERYBODY EATS THEN DON'T BOTHER GOING. IT IS NOT RUDE, IT IS CALLED SHARING. HAS EVERYBODY TAKEN A GREEDY PILL AND DECIDED THAT A STEAK IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN FUN AND LAUGHTER? SAME WITH THE BILL WHEN EATING OUT. SPLIT IT AND HAVE A GREAT TIME. ONE DAY WE ARE ALL GOING TO BE DUST SO LETS ENJOY THE COMPANY OF PEOPLE WE LOVE. I HAVE 6 KIDS (10 MONTHS TO 10 YEARS) AND I AM SETTING AN EXAMPLE OF WHERE TO PLACE YOUR PRIORITIES. THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT THAN WHO ATE THE STEAK. GROW UP AND DON'T BE SO CHILDISH. Reply

Rushy

Posted by: Rushy
Posted: 5th Nov 2007

Rushy says: Yeah that is really arkward when you go out. I think it is alright to share food but only if you have also brought somthing. When you go out i think it is pay for what you had if you brought the cheapest meal you pay for that Reply

Ruth

Posted by: Ruth
Posted: 7th Nov 2007

Ruth says: Usually, when we do a BBQ, we supply extra sausages for sharing. Everyone knows what cuts of meat they brought and they select it when cooked. If you are wanting to know about this for etiquette reasons, you should probably gauge the group of people attending first. E.g. if it is a group of well known friends, then they usually bring enough for them + some. We always have extra meat left over. You can also get everyone to bring a salad, again depends on the situation. If it is a group that you don't know, then get your meat and again, there are usually leftovers.

As for eating out, again gauge your group, if it is a function (brithday, get together etc) then yeah split the bill. I do get annoyed though when people do choose the most expensive thing on the menu instead of staying middle ground. If you don't want to join in the split, then say so, it's a bit like the shout rules. No one minds. However, if you go it alone, and there is stuff on the table to share, then you shouldn't eat it. Splitting the bill solves all this. Reply

phoenix555

Posted by: phoenix555
Posted: 15th Nov 2007

phoenix555 says: re BBQ > if you only brought sausages then only eat the sausages UNLESS of course your host offers otherwise UNLESS you've noticed that by taking them up on their offer you would be leaving them short or with something else of lesser quality.

re splitting the bill > I always eat and drink less than everyone else! But to make things easier I just go along with whatever's happening, be it splitting evenly or adding it up. It seems that whenever the bill gets individually added up someone always shirks some items and the bill is always short. Thus someone ends up paying more anyway. I try to just have a good night with the least stress! Reply

Anonymous

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 3rd Dec 2007

says: As I get older, and more financially stable, I don't ever question the fact that we should split the bill evenly unless I am eating out with people that I know have less disposable income. in that case I usually try and cover more of the bill. If I am out with someone I don't know as well, work colleague for example, then usually we will pay for what we actually had.

When you are at someone's house, I think the host should make it clear what the expectation is regarding food. That way no one feels weird or uncomfortable and everyone can just relax and have a good time! We usually take way too much food anyway, and it ends up in the doggy dish for his dinner! Reply

neety

Posted by: neety
Posted: 5th Dec 2007

neety says: If I go to a BBQ where I don't have to bring any meat (ie it is all provided by the host) I will usually bring some cheese and/or a bottle of wine to have before the BBQ. Sometimes it is a BBQ where it is BYO meat with salads, bread rolls, etc provided, I will only eat what I bring.

Depends on where you go to eat out with a group. If you go to a restaurant where it is easy to work out who ate what and to pay for your own meal, I prefer to. If you go somewhere like yum cha where it is hard to work out who ate what and what the cost of each dish was, I'd just split it evenly amongst the group. Reply

megz

Posted by: megz
Posted: 14th Dec 2007

megz says: In the case of going to a BBQ where you have to bring your own meat, if you only bought sausages then you should really only eat sausages, why eat someone elses steak, obviously you would have prefered steak. I suggest when you buy things for a BBQ like this you take what you want to eat so you want have to sit there thinking about if you can have someone elses. In another sense if you did only bring sausages and so long for the steak then ask, there will simply only be two answers yes or no, and most of the time people tend to say yes, if there your friends.
as for eating out normally, you should pay for what you ate, if your ordered say a bottle of wine between the group then you split the cost of that. but otherwise you could seriously be overpaying for someone else's meal. Which is okay i guess if your the kind of person that has the money to just throw places but i mean, hardly anyone would do the same for you.

so to save all arguments about who owes what and the argument that you didnt eat that much i suggest pay for your own meals. "tip: always take smaller notes and change, they come in handy for this kind of thing" Reply

Nicky G

Posted by: Nicky G
Posted: 19th Dec 2007

Nicky G says: Usually I'd pay for myself at a restaurant just because most restaurants I go to will process your orders seperately. When I have to though I'm generally I'm happy to split the bill, although being vegetarian my meal is often cheaper. I wouldn't like it if I was on a tight budget and deliberately ordered something inexpensive, only to end up paying for someone else who got a $30 steak or something similar (particularly because I wouldn't want to be supporting the eating of steak, but also because of the cost). But usually when you're with friends or family you can tell them and there are no worries.

If I go to a bbq I bring along something that everyone can eat, eg bread or pasta salad, and then some vege sausages or vege patties for myself. Of course if someone wanted to have some of my vege food I'd be happy to share, because it means less meat being eaten!

Generally among friends and family I think there are certain understandings and unwritten rules -if you share, you know others will share with you, and if you want to eat or drink a huge amount then you contribute accordingly. Reply

Nicky G

Posted by: Nicky G
Posted: 19th Dec 2007

Nicky G says: By the way 'Patricia' from 'Brassell', writing in capital letters makes you sound really angry. If you don't agree with people's opinions well that's fine but no-ones forcing you to read these comments. Everyone's entitled to answer the question at the top of the page according to how they feel. Clearly we're not all going to feel the same, so it's a bit patronising to get all annoyed and judgemental about what other people think. Your comment just makes you sound as if you think you know best and your opinion counts for more than everyone else's. Reply

missflounder

Posted by: missflounder
Posted: 10th Jan 2008

missflounder says: I was brought up to believe that if you invite friends for a bbq, then you should supply the food and soft drinks but notify guests to bring their own beer, wine or spirits. I have never reqested anyone bring their own food if I have invited them, however, in saying this I have never had a bbq where my friends have expected me to provide everything and they have still brought along a plate of nibblies, salads or desert. I am grateful for the offerings but do not expect it.

As far as dinning out. I believe that everyone should pay for their own meals unless it is a banquet.

cheers all. Reply

Aimeel

Posted by: Aimeel
Posted: 14th Jan 2008

Aimeel says: When we have a BBQ we usually provide the meat (and a vegetarian option cooked before the meat goes on!) and guests bring the salads, bread, drinks etc. so I guess it doesn't matter who eats what, as we provide a large variety of meats. In the case that I went to a BYOM BBQ, I wouldn't want people who brought along No-Name sawdust sausages tucking into my chicken skewers, it just wouldn't be right! So yes, eat what you bring, meat-wise.

In the restaurant situation, I always seem to be the one who ends up adding up the different items on the itemised bill at the end of the night, and letting people know how much they owe. Most people are great and chuck in a few extra dollars as a tip or to cover someone who isn't rolling in money... So I think paying only for what you eat and drink is fine, but if the bill is split evenly (as we did one night a Hen's party - riots ensued) there are invariably arguments over who had what, and how someone had a more expensive dish, and people complaining because they feel ripped off, as they didn't drink any of the margerita jugs etc... I have never had complaints with my system of being the calculator. :)

Reply

masiam

Posted by: masiam
Posted: 2nd Feb 2008

masiam says: At gatherings and such you should only eat what you brought unless it everybody has just brought a different dish to share.
When eating out it is only fair that you pay for what you ate but do go down to counting it out to the cent just put in enough to cover what you ate. Reply

jeffreyobrien

Posted by: jeffreyobrien
Posted: 4th Feb 2008

jeffreyobrien says: I agree with peter,I would dig in especially if it is a group of friends at a B.B.Q because its a group situation should you feel free to help yourself to whatever is on offer,yes then some.BTW if you brought something special remember it's a share auzzie BBQ we are discussing Vego or not you are what you eat and eat what you like you only live ONCE so enjoy it to the fullest but remember don't be a BLUDGER always take something it's manners Remember folks manners we were all taught them especially relaxed at a BBQ.Happy Days everyone Reply

smokey

Posted by: smokey
Posted: 4th Feb 2008

smokey says: If one is invited to abbq and all the information that is given where to come and what time say thank you later by putting on a bbq and inviting those same people around to your place or if you feel guilty bring a p[late with food on it Reply

The Governor

Posted by: The Governor
Posted: 26th Feb 2008

The Governor says: This really depends on who you are going out with. I have a group of friends & we have many dinners out & bbq's & get togethers as girlfriends & with our partners & kids. Every time each of us contributes food, wine, cooking skills, etc & we all eat & drink as we please, making sure there is enough left to share around the table with everyone else. It is a group of really good friends who genuinely care about each other & so we are happy to split the bill evenly at a restaurant or pay for the other person's coffee as we know that eventually things will even out & they will do something lovely for us in return.

I have however in the past been out to dinner at a restaurant with a group of people where splitting the bill was not mentioned until the end of the evening & a certain couple had obviously decided to see if they could take advantage of the situation & ate every expensive item available - it was highly rude & made some of us feel used & abused - it was most definintely the last time I went out to dinner with that group!!! Reply

Michelle

Posted by: Michelle
Posted: 29th Feb 2008

Michelle says: Hi Peter, I guess that I am fortunate in that we tend to usually be in the above situations with friends or those you know well enough that so long as you fell you have contributed well there is no problem with enjoying all the 'fare' on offer.

When eating out again I like to think that our friends are of the opinion that we just split the bill as it's swings and round-abouts. Being in the hospitality industry myself there is nothing more frustrating and petty than people coming to pay and splitting things so pedantically that I question just what they are there for. I believe the call should be made at the time of ordering as to all one account and let's split it or keep you own tab, but don't be the picky one choosing to only pay for the things you ate and not a crumb more! Meals out with friends encompass the conviviality of the evening as well as the food - take a chill pill and enjoy the evening for the total occasion! Reply

kate

Posted by: kate
Posted: 2nd Mar 2008

kate says: When out at a friends house having a meal, don't be too much of a pig as when they come and dine at yours they will go overboard. "what goes around comes around".. respect the hospitality of the host and hostess.

Re bill splitting... depends on the situation and who you are with. If you dine with these people alot then it comes out all square in the long run of splitting the bill. Reply

heidi

Posted by: heidi
Posted: 3rd Mar 2008

heidi says: It often depends on who you are with. With close friends, whatever is at the bbq you can eat so long as you contributed something, but where I don't know the person so well I will only eat what I took along.

When out with a group at a restaurant, I much prefer to pay for what I ordered rounded up to the nearest $5 or $10, as someone else repiled don't be too pedantic because I usually don't eat too much and as a single parent I don't have a lot of spare money. I strongly object however, to people who split the cost and they have purchased an expensive bottle of wine and I had a coke because I had to drive home. Reply

shaz

Posted by: shaz
Posted: 4th Mar 2008

shaz says: I am a caterer , when I invite people around I usually tell them what to bring (cos they always ask), if I say bring the meat you want to eat and I supply salad and dessert, I get pretty ticked if they bring the dirty ole sausage and tuck into my filet steak. I mean fair is fair right. Reply

Blue

Posted by: Blue
Posted: 4th Mar 2008

Blue says: We have heaps of BBQs and I would never dream of limiting my guests as to what they can and cant eat. The way I see it is that if I invited them it is my responsibility to provide the main part of the meal. Yes I would be annoyed if they turned up empty handed but occasionaly you get that, and well.. perhaps you just don't invite those ones again. I would never ask people to bring food for a 4 course dinner party. What makes a BBQ so different? Personally I always take a mixture of meats to share but I don't mind what people want to bring to mine. Reply

Anonymous

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 5th Mar 2008

says: I always find the bbq situation difficult and usually just have what I have brought, if no other instructions are forthcoming. I think it is bordering on the unacceptable to ask people over and then expect them to just eat what they have provided - might as well eat at home, but I do know people who just "bog" in. When we bbq, its easier to provide the meat and ask guests to bring a salad and a bottle of wine to share.

The bill should be split evenly when dining out with a group. Though, how difficult would it be for restaurants to take seperate orders for couples? Surely they can stop being so ....... and consider group situations. Reply

penny

Posted by: penny
Posted: 4th Apr 2008

penny says: I was actually talking about this with my cousins a little while ago. I have nothing against BYO, in fact everytime i go to a dinner party i always bring somthing with me, and if i'm close with them ill always come that little bit early to help them prepare. But i dont understand how you can have BBQ thats BYO? Because really, your not inviting your friends to a "barbeque", your inviting them to a FIRE, and bring some meat if you feel like.
I just never understood this concept..

but regardless of that, i would feel awkward if i didn't bring somthing with me. Reply

PGS

Posted by: PGS
Posted: 6th Apr 2008

PGS says: Our are mostly 'family affairs' & we all know what each eats / drinks, so split any catering across the attendees. Mrs eats bugger all, so she's happy with salad type stuff & a bit of chicken. None of us are fussed on the common beers, so we'll each bring our preferred tipple & may swap to try something else. Reply

Trishii

Posted by: Trishii
Posted: 15th Apr 2008

Trishii says: I'm also a vegetarian and prefer to order and pay for my own meal at restaurants. Otherwise I find I'm getting stung for other people's seafood dishes and I've had a modest dinner of stirfried vegies, doesn't really seem fair!
My reason for becoming a vegetarian was that someone said to me "You cannot be an animal lover if you eat them". I thought "Yeah, that's actually true!" and never ate meat again! Reply

Lynne

Posted by: Lynne
Posted: 5th May 2008

Lynne says: I think at a BBQ you should eat your own meat unless you are offered someone elses, or if there is left over. If I buy a great steak for lots of $ I would feel upset if someone who brought cheap and fatty suasages took mine and left me with theirs. I think all salds and drinks should be shared, but you need to contribute yourself.
It seems to work better if the group splits the bill but it helps if a decision is made as to what everyone wants to do before. This helps if the group all decides just to have a main course and desert each for instance.I think sensitivity to the group helps: e.g. if someone is on a tight budget it may be better to each pay for their own food so they can save a few dollars by careful ordering. This may work better with say, university students. Reply

bernmar

Posted by: bernmar
Posted: 19th May 2008

bernmar says: Usually I take my own food when we visit as I am coeliac (gluten intolerant) and I don't expect most people to cater for it. Also when dining out as a group we usually pay for our own meals as again my menu choice is dependant on the gluten free choices available and sometimes this may be the most expensive or sometimes only a garden salad (cheapest) Reply

Cat

Posted by: Cat
Posted: 21st May 2008

Cat says: I find it really odd that people invite their friends over for BBQs, dinners, etc., and then ask them to bring their own food! I only moved to Oz 1½yrs ago from England, and find this BYO culture really bizarre. I've even been to an engagement party that had formal printed invitations sent out, but it was BYO food and drinks!! My thinking is that if invite people round to my house, whether it be for a formal dinner party or a BBQ, I provide the food. If I am invited somewhere for a meal I do not think I should have to bring food, as I could then just have stayed at home and cooked it myself. By the same token though, I find it incredibly rude if guests turn up empty handed to a dinner party; I expect them to bring a bottle of wine, flowers or a hostess gift of some kind. I think if you're having a BBQ and there is large group of people it is fair enough that people are asked to bring a side dish, bread, desert or something, but not the main meal, and you should certainly not have to feel bad about eating something you didn't bring. I think in those situations BYO alcohol is ok as well, but I would only drink what I myself brought.

With regards to eating out: I hate sharing meals and the bill. I will order what I want and pay for it, I am not paying for other people's meal. As my husband and I can be a bit fussy and don't eat very large amounts of food we inevitably end up with the short end of the stick. We have been out to dinners with friends where we've been bullied into splitting the bills and have eaten maybe 1/3 of what other people have but still have to pay a share each. One time we went to a moderately priced chinese restaurant in Sydney's Chinatown where the birthday girl ordered everything for everyone to share - I only ate one of the dishes and some rice, my husband picked at a few things, I didn't drink and my husband had 2 glasses of wine, yet we ended up paying $160 between us, and even then we ended up putting in more as the collective money came up short and the waitress was making us feel uncomfortable. (We all went to a bar afterwards, and by the end of the night with the taxi and food bills added up we were $250 out of pocket, and people wonder why we don't always attend these 'casual' birthday events!) Now I always make it very clear at the beginning of a meal that not only will I not share dishes, I was also not share the bill! Sometimes this rubs people the wrong way, but I think a lot of people secretly wish they could say it. Reply

Marika

Posted by: Marika
Posted: 28th May 2008

Marika says: Hi there - we have a bbq every Friday night at tennis, which is attended by between 4 and 8 families. To me, you eat what you bring, unless someone brought too much and then doesn't want it. Otherwise it goes home with one of the families that has a dog.

In regard to eating out, this is most often on a casual basis and so we would all usually just split the bill. Certainly in the past I have been on a tight budget and ended up paying a proportion of someone's lobster or some such, but if you aren't prepared to split it, don't go. Reply

wishnik

Posted by: wishnik
Posted: 4th Jun 2008

wishnik says: If we go to a bbq at a friends house and bring something along we help ourselves to alittle of everything on offer. Id expect everyone else to help themselves to whatever ive bought along aswell. If we go out and eat ina group we all pay for what weve ordered. Reply

Richo

Posted by: Richo
Posted: 12th Jun 2008

Richo says: That's an easy one peter. Get your grub on and split the bill. Reply

Anonymous

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 13th Jun 2008

says: Dining out... I have a simple method of which our friends are happy with. We have a regular group of friends that dine out with us. One person pays for everyone! It alternates each week. Funnily we've noticed that the person who is paying for the night generally orders on the cheaper side. Also there is a designated driver, therefore alcohol prices even out. Reply

marina

Posted by: marina
Posted: 13th Jun 2008

marina says: Personally I wouldn't invite friends over and expect them to bring anything with them. I provide all the food and drinks and ask them to bring themselves. This is reciprocated in our group of family and friends. However, occasionaly I'm invited to an evening where I'm asked to bring along a dessert/salad , in these instances I've always felt welcome to share in everything that is being offered and interestingly enough have never been invited to someone's home for a bbq where you " bring your own meat/fish/chicken "
Why bother?? Reply

divergent

Posted by: divergent
Posted: 18th Jun 2008

divergent says: I can't really comment on the dining out as a group as I've been happy to pay either way, for myself or for a split bill. But with dining at a friends house, I've always been brought up to be a good host and never expect my guests to bring anything. If they do then that is welcome and extra to share, but I feel enough love for my friends to provide enough for them on my own. If I couldn't afford to do that then I simply wouldn't ask them over until I'd saved enough to do it properly.

I believe that we're becoming quite separated as human beings. We've become more self-oriented and are losing our willingness to go the extra distance to love and care for each other. Sharing cost is a reasonable ask when someone can't afford to pay, but it seems that this is becoming the norm. Without the opportunity to care for others, we'll lose the ability altogether. Reply

ronnie

Posted by: ronnie
Posted: 25th Jun 2008

ronnie says: i only pay for what i ate when i go out
its just a done deal no whingeing or money disputes very easy
the question is what about peoples eating habits, some are ok but eating with your mouth open or eating loudly etcc
if i go to a friends house i usually ask about the rules if it is bring your own then i really wonder about the event
whats the point of going to a friends house bring your own food and then eat it . you could stay at home instead it would be easier .
if i invite someone over i don't expect them to bring anything but themselves but some always bring a wine or choc which sometimes doesn't get touched
if you help yourself it is better to ask before you do
but not everyone thinks like me some just eat whatever and don't care Reply

Musbemee

Posted by: Musbemee
Posted: 26th Aug 2008

Musbemee says: I could not be so rude as to eat something other than what I had brought unless asked to do so by the person who did bring it.I find that extremely ill mannered and presumptuous. Reply

tash_mooloolaba

Posted by: tash_mooloolaba
Posted: 28th Aug 2008

tash_mooloolaba says: Good topic, as i work at a restuarant i seem to notice trends - for example with teh larger tables of 6 or more - the older generation 50+ will either - one person pay for the table, or they divide teh total bill by the amout of people and the each pay that figure - say its $61.90 - they will usually round to $62 even or $65 or so if they are generous.

In the younger side - it is more of a "each to your own " where the split the food and drink items to only what they consumed - sometimes to the extent of dividing the cost a of $39 bottle of wine - " I only had 2 glasses - so i'll pay $15.60 off that bottle.....".

So its is mixed really when dining out - they are justa few popular trends.

As for eating at a BBQ - i agree - "if you bring a few sausages - dont eat teh steak...." its just common sense..


Reply

elle

Posted by: elle
Posted: 9th Sep 2008

tash_mooloolaba says: Good topic, as i work at a restuarant i seem to notice trends - for example with teh larger tables of 6 or more - the older generation 50+ will either - one person pay for the table, or they...

elle says: if iam invited for dinner i shoud not bring my food to eat. If i invite people for dinner i will provide food and do not expect them to bring any food. maybe just a wine or what ever they drink. Reply

Michael_M9

Posted by: Michael_M9
Posted: 26th Sep 2008

Michael_M9 says: do what ever rocks your boat Reply

kezza

Posted by: kezza
Posted: 2nd Oct 2008

kezza says: I alway's say that what you have brought to a BBQ is what you should eat and not touch other peoples meat or drink's.Also when my friends and I go out for dinner we pay what ever we have had a meal, then that way you are not paying for somebody elses. Reply

Jack

Posted by: Jack
Posted: 2nd Oct 2008

Jack says: If I am invited to a BBQ, I always take my own prepared meat dish. This is mainly because we are very fussy. I prefer to only eat the meat I have taken, as I know its quality and it was prepared in a clean environment.
I am also cautious of how salads are prepared etc. If there are flies around I sometimes won't even eat anything other than my own meat and a bread roll.

As for splitting the bill, if I take the family (young adults) out for a meal I will pay as I have invited them. If they want to put a bit towards the bill that is always welcome. If it's out with friends we pay for our own. Reply

Goulah

Posted by: Goulah
Posted: 3rd Nov 2008

Goulah says: When I was growing up you were invited to someone's place for a meal or a barbecue and it was considered the height of ill manners to take food. You were the guest and it was rude to take anything - with one exception. You always took a "hostess gift".

Nowadays the situation is different and it is socially acceptable to take food with you - and it is quite often expected - but in addition I still take along my "hostess gift", be it chocolates or flowers.

I also come out with the "short end of the stick" with bill sharing because I tend to eat less than others but I also do not drink alcohol so it can be very very expensive. Reply

cookla

Posted by: cookla
Posted: 26th Feb 2009

cookla says: i think a friendly bbq is just that and it means enjoy yourself relax and don't worry about the food if they are your friends they won't care
and as for going out the bill should be u pay for wat u order Reply

Phoenixflame

Posted by: Phoenixflame
Posted: 17th Mar 2010

Phoenixflame says: It really depends on who you're out with.
Some people like to go dutch and pay for themselves only. But there are some cultures that will fight for the bill. Being Asian myself, I get this a lot, especially during family gatherings.
However, with my friends, it's either pay for yourself, or just pay in lieu and they'll pay the next time.

As for the bbq thing. How close are these friends? If you're close, then it should be ok and the bbq should be a casual affair where you're more than welcome to eat anything. Most people should assume that a friends' bbq the host may provide some food. Then you just do the same when you host one. But for bbq's where you're not that close and don't know many people, then it's probably better etiquette to only eat your own things. Reply

kazza

Posted by: kazza
Posted: 18th Mar 2010

kazza says: I believe unless you are vegetarian, if everyone is bringing meat you should share whatever is on offer, unless say there is only 1 steak which someone has bought especially.

As for going out in a group my families policy has always been to split the bill evenly regardless, as on one occassion one family might spend more, but on the next occassion, the other family might, so over time it works out evenly Reply

Martino

Posted by: Martino
Posted: 13th Apr 2010

Martino says: If you go to a BBQ and are asked to bring your own meat then you tend to only bring enough for yourself and you should stick to what you have brought.
When you go out for tea on the other hand the bill should be split evenly amongst the group. It is ridiculous to break down the bill to say I brought this, you had that. Unless there is a group of people who drank $100 worth there is no need to split bills. Reply

mermaid

Posted by: mermaid
Posted: 13th Apr 2010

mermaid says: Here's food for thought.....If your hosting the BBQ set your own requirements that way you don't offend anyone be it BYO or not?

Dining out, why not take a commonsense approach. In the event your dining at a one bill restaurant ensure you have the cash before hand, that way no-one is offended or left out of pocket.

Anyone considering otherwise is clearly displaying their greed!

Reply

phinnie

Posted by: phinnie
Posted: 20th Apr 2010

phinnie says: If it's BOM then we only eat what we bring unless invited to try something else, or are offered a swap. If it's that we all bring something different, then we all share.

Now that restaurants have one bill per table, we come prepared. We bring a calculator, a notebook and a pen. We keep s running total, and all in our gorupl know we do this. Some take turns to pay for the whole bill by credit card and then we pay them - thus benefitting their points. Works for us. Reply

shazza

Posted by: shazza
Posted: 22nd Apr 2010

shazza says: I'm always happy to split the bill but many don't like it! Reply

Kayte

Posted by: Kayte
Posted: 29th Apr 2010

Kayte says: This should depend on who you're with and how close you are to them. In the case of a backyard BBQ, the atmosphere should determine the rules - If you're all close friends and you know no one cares, go for it. On the other hand, if you expect people to be a little uptight, eat your own food - You obviously brought it for a reason.

Similarly, if someone ONLY eats sausages, or ONLY eats lamb chops and they specifically brought their own food for that reason, be thoughtful.

Same rule applies when dining out - It depends how close everyone is. If you're with the kind of people who you dont mind paying a little extra for to cover their more expensive meal, its not a problem. However to avoid stupid niggles, if you're not comfortable with it, pay for your own.

Another factor there is numbers - If you have 4-6 people its easy enough to split the bill. Any more than that and it tends to become too much of a drama and is safer to pay for your own. Reply

silvester

Posted by: silvester
Posted: 29th Apr 2010

silvester says: If you only brought sausages I would wait till everyone got their meat and if there is steak left over then take a piece of steak I am sure someone would have taken a sausge as well .I find spliting the bill a hard one because I don't eat big meals at night so I only order lilttle meal and find it not fair to spilt the bill Reply

shell

Posted by: shell
Posted: 7th May 2010

shell says: If the bbq is at our place, we always supply the meat and everyone else brings a salad or dessert, however at my sister in law's everyone brings thier own meat and she supplies the salads. I think it's always best to ask when you're invited what you should bring.
When we eat out with friends we each pay for our own, but if we eat out with family, it's usually, we'll pay this time, you pay next time. Reply

shachah7

Posted by: shachah7
Posted: 14th May 2010

shachah7 says: I think its good to eat whatever you want... its sharing. We all know when we cross the line and become pigs and eat everything. Reply

Gigi

Posted by: Gigi
Posted: 24th May 2010

Gigi says: My tip is to be generous with the food, drinks and help you contribute, so you can happily enjoyom the full spread without fears of being a freeloader. It's all about sharing and enjoying, right ?

As for eating out, splitting the bill evenly is generally my action of choice - it's fuss-free and who wants to end a meal picking over a few dollars and cents? Unless someone's thrown french champagne or lobster in the mix, in which case there's a case for "cough up!". Reply

oichy2

Posted by: oichy2
Posted: 13th Jul 2010

oichy2 says: depends on the circumstances but usually i think its fair to pay for what you eat. Reply

lpullman

Posted by: lpullman
Posted: 14th Jul 2010

lpullman says: Don't recall BBQs ever being an issue - the usual problem is the host wondering what to do with the left overs. Generally, everybody brings something plus a little bit and it gets horsetraded around. People who are hung up on this tend to bring their own and only eat that so it's really not an issue.

As for eating out, split the bill evenly and stop making life difficult for everyone else. If you want a seperate bill, ask for it up front. We always split the bill and then round up so there is a little extra for the staff. Sometimes someone will decide to be generous and chuck in some extra for the wine or whatever.

Having run front of house at restaurants I can tell you that there is nothing more annoying than a table of twelve who all want to pay individually. Plus people like that never leave a tip. Cheap and ill mannered. Reply

cherokee1

Posted by: cherokee1
Posted: 25th Aug 2010

cherokee1 says: I wish we could have dine out! But we live on a island, where we most of the time do BBQ. I have 8 children plus my hubby. We take our meats and rice and salad along to share with other family members. Reply

jud

Posted by: jud
Posted: 14th Sep 2010

jud says: Hi,

Well with regards to the bbq I think one should only eat what they have brought, or if they are family or close friends I guess you would share everything.

With regards to going out for a meal with a group of people I think everyone should pay for their own meal Reply

Roseglen

Posted by: Roseglen
Posted: 17th Nov 2010

Roseglen says: Regarding going out to dinner with friends or colleagues, I think that people should pay for what they ate and not expect the rest of the group to subsidise them.
I usually only have an entree sized meal and resent paying for someone elses 3 course expensive dinner. Reply

Mark

Posted by: Mark
Posted: 18th Nov 2010

Mark says: As far the food is concerned, I usually bring a mix of food items, a few steaks, sausages, maybe chicken aswell. This way I can eat what I want of the food served.
With drinks, I usually drink what I bring, and/or what has been offered to me. I have been at parties, where certain people brought the cheapest plonk, but got drunk on the hard spirits others brought along, and at the end of the party, the cheap stuff was still sitting there in a corner un-touched.
When going out for dinner with a group, I prefere to pay for my own, as I chose my food according to what I can afford aswell as what I like to eat. As other people have other tastes, and budgets, splitting the bill may end up in you having to pay more then you budgeted for. Reply

ned

Posted by: ned
Posted: 29th Nov 2010

ned says: every one should pay for what thay orderd Reply

Reindeer

Posted by: Reindeer
Posted: 29th Nov 2010

Reindeer says: Usually I eat less than I bring trying to avoid overeating,being a chef I make a couple of different things like a marinaded chicken or beef/lamb and something with mince and in effect kind of barter that for something I like of theirs and as for going out for dinner in groups mostly I try to divide evenly the bill but put in extra if I order something expensive - I try to pay my own way Reply

Anonymous

Posted by: Anonymous
Posted: 29th Nov 2010

says: yes split the bill Reply

Mar

Posted by: Mar
Posted: 30th Nov 2010

Mar says: I find it extremely weird that you invite people to your home and expect them to bring anything at all ( save for flowers, chocolates or a bottle of wine like good manners prescribe).
Going out is a different matter, every person/couple/family should pay for what they consumed plus a little extra for a tip. Not fair for the vegetarians or the non drinkers or the people on a budget that know exactly how much they can spend. Reply

chickenman

Posted by: chickenman
Posted: 16th May 2011

chickenman says: people normally go to bbqs' at other peoples places because they are friends. to me, friends take their own drinks and only have some-one elses' if given one. as for food, all should contribute to the meal.
a bbq with friends is a get together for pleasant times, not to take advantage of others. those who do are really friends of no-one Reply

Yolanda

Posted by: Yolanda
Posted: 18th May 2011

Yolanda says: In the BBQ situation - It is mainly BYO and everyone tends to drink what they bought, our group of friends tend to always bring a bit extra incase but then everyone is expected to take home their own BYO that they did not drink. With our group of friends we all bring meat and a salad or equilent dish there of. We all tend to bring plenty so we all share everything and we all end up with a good variety of food. We also tend to take home our dishes whether they are empty or full so as to save the host washing up and no one is left with a ton of left overs as well. When I am hosting I like to make sure people take home their dishes full or empty otherwise you end up with plates and no one knows who they belong too.
AS for the restaruants - As for our group of friends we split the account as we know each other well and what goes around comes around and no oe tends to over order.

There will always be someone who will nt pull teir weight and take advantage of people but we seem to know who they are and they dont tend to be invited back a second time.
Reply

Kam

Posted by: Kam
Posted: 29th Aug 2011

Kam says: It depend on how well you know this people.
When you go out with friend, just have fun. Not looking at what other expensive things that someone else order. It will only cost a few dollars to have Fu then is worth it. Reply

jess

Posted by: jess
Posted: 16th Nov 2011

jess says: We usually do these every friday night, but what we do is organize every thing. Chip in cash every week days before the the event on fridays, so we dont have problem whos gonna pay and whos gonna eat what.
In the case of going to a friends house for some bbq, u should feel free to eat anything u like even if u didnt bring anyhting, the reason why they invited you is because of your good relationship with them, just do thesame thing at your house next time. Reply

annie

Posted by: annie
Posted: 9th Feb 2012

annie says: if we eat out we mostly split the bill evenly but sometimes if someone has only had something small we let them just pay for that .At someones BBQ its mostly all eat everything Reply

renee

Posted by: renee
Posted: 24th Oct 2012

renee says: i honestly believe some pople g out with groups to restaraunts and the bill is quite enormous from 300-500-600.. some members in the group may of came out with a certain amount of cash and they know they have to order something small because they donthave enough cash. i believe when it comes to the spill. dont split it in half or in three or five depends on how many people. IT should be what u buy is what u pay for. and also to your first question about the bbq steak and sausages ... no wrong u buy one thing and give to the friend who is having bbq... all friends are brining something small to share but alltogether you share everything. but thats my opinion. Reply

lizzie r

Posted by: lizzie r
Posted: 24th May 2014

lizzie r says: At barbecues I think all should just dig in and enjoy the food together after all its not five star dining. And as for bill paying at restaurants this really depends if they let you pay separately, If not then just split the bill evenly. Would be a shame to spoil a good night out with friends over money!! Reply

antzy

Posted by: antzy
Posted: 27th May 2014

antzy says: 1) I've never really thought about that. Usually we just make a budget and everyone puts in their own money, be it $5 each.

2) We pay for what we ate, unless we shared our plates equally. Reply

Sil

Posted by: Sil
Posted: 3rd Jun 2014

Sil says: BYO means bring a dish, i take it as "your participation" but then halpe yourself to everything thats there, so you share. The only time i don't like splitting the bill is when someone orders alcohol or 6 cokes etc, i find usually with my friends its even, or they put up their hand & say i have to pay $9 for my glass of wine. I like going out to set menus, most places take groups from 4-6, then its easy as drinks are seperate & there are vegetarian & sometimes gluten free options, i kow thai menu's can start from $29 per head up to over $50 if you want a seafood selection. To enjoy group events best to be open minded & with some ground rules like this & don't be shy to politely guide others if they don't know the right thing.. Reply

Bazz

Posted by: Bazz
Posted: 30th Jul 2014

Bazz says: Sorry... hit the wrong button accidentally again! I really should type this up in Word to start with, then cut & paste. I'll start again :

I reckon these matters of organization should be agreed upon before starting out or at least come to a consensus before eating, bearing in mind the "social norms" of the majority &/or the hosts / hostesses. This will vary greatly amongst different peoples & regions. In Rural Australia, for example, many of those who bring prepared dishes feel quite chuffed to see you really enjoying their dish & coming up for seconds.

Reply

Nellyy

Posted by: Nellyy
Posted: 13th Dec 2014

Nellyy says: I believe that if you're dining in any group situation it should be a sharing occasion. If I go out with a group of friends to a restaurant I think the bill should be split evenly regardless of what you did or didn't eat. There's nothing more petty than people who whinge, ''But I didn't have any garlic bread''. It only costs a few dollars for goodness sake!

In a BBQ situation once again I think people should pool their food contributions and share with everyone. If myself or a friend are good enough to host a BBQ at our home I would expect everybody to bring at least something, whether it be a salad, a dessert or sausages.

Dining is a communal experience and it would be a pretty sad occasion if some selfishly guarded their fancy steaks while others ate a humble sausage with a piece of bread. This would be tantamount to 'food apartheid'! Reply

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