Parents
Posted by: rodney2518
21st Nov 2008 11:47pm
There is no guide to being a parent as we all know. Parents who accept the obvious responsibilities that come with raising children, have so much to deal with especially concerning the fast pace of information technology, food additives, medications and the list goes on. I have to admit, I have empathy for single mothers raising children in this day and age. "Some" may take advantage, but it is a minority.I think more help and less criticism, would go along way.
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Comments 23
camo312
Very well said! Much admiration for single mothers. I think they do a great job! It's hard enough work when there are two parents!!
Anonymous
100% agree
Anonymous
Definitely! Parenting is a huge task!
Anonymous
I was a single mother and I can tell you my children have excellant healthy eating habits, if you ask what their favourite meals are they reply with tuna mornay and home made shepperds pie, pumpkin soup etc, takeaway doesnt even come into it. I brought my kids up on the belief that if food grows on a tree or out of the ground its healthy and we based our weekly shopping on that what we didnt grow in the garden ourselves. We had takeaway once every two months, not your typical fish and chip shop takeaway, we would go to woolworths and choose something that was quick to cook in the oven or frying pan such as spring rolls with home made wedges and salad or warm chicken salad etc. They have a strict bed time of 8:30 for my 8 year old son and 10:00 for my 17 year old daughter which gives her plenty of time for study and homework, during the week they arent permitted to have anyone over until the weekends because they have sport commitments, homework, chores and its family time to bond and talk. I have taught my children to have the upmost respect for everyone and its ok to have a voice and an opinion as long as its voiced in a proper manner. We haved our house rules on a big magnet on our fridge which is also based on respect and common sense, the consequences are also on the fridge it involves 10 steps before a code red grounding and loss of social activity for however long we think is appropriate to the choices they've made, kids need boundaries if you teach them to make the right choice's for themselves, teach them how to deal with emotions at a young age, install respect, good values, morals, talk be open about every aspect of growing up and be a good listener, your doing ok. I dont think I have a lot more to deal with as a single mother compared to coupled parents. My daughter has recently graduated from St Johns College with her s.a.c.e certificate, she has a job at super cheap auto and is seeking employment in the industrial area, she can talk to me about where she wants to be in 5 years, and what she wants to achieve in life, she has great vision about her fruture and Im so proud of the person she has become and wants to be. Just recently she went on holiday's to Bali. She's been parasailing, white water rafting, has learnt how to surf, been sky diving with her partner. We have great communication which is important, I have always given her straight answers about life and growing up. I think maybe I was blessed to have had been taught good morals an d values, respect was constantly pumped into us, my parents sperated when I was 16 and everything was civil not straight away ovcourse it took a year for things to calm down but our family bbq's involve both parents and their new partners and the love is unconditional. I think if you can learn from any situation whether it be good or bad its a positive. As a parent we never stop learning and educating our children and the children that are in our lives, cousins, nieces, nephews, there friends and families. Nobodoy's perfect, we are all unique individuals, as long as we take responsibily for ourselves things usually fall into place. Constant love I smother my children with, I'm the mum, dad, friend, sometimes enemy but upmost mother and educator.
Anonymous
I was a single mother and I can tell you my children have excellant healthy eating habits, if you ask what their favourite meals are they reply with tuna mornay and home made shepperds pie, pumpkin soup etc, takeaway doesnt even come into it. I brought my kids up on the belief that if food grows on a tree or out of the ground its healthy and we based our weekly shopping on that what we didnt grow in the garden ourselves. We had takeaway once every two months, not your typical fish and chip shop takeaway, we would go to woolworths and choose something that was quick to cook in the oven or frying pan such as spring rolls with home made wedges and salad or warm chicken salad etc. They have a strict bed time of 8:30 for my 8 year old son and 10:00 for my 17 year old daughter which gives her plenty of time for study and homework, during the week they arent permitted to have anyone over until the weekends because they have sport commitments, homework, chores and its family time to bond and talk. I have taught my children to have the upmost respect for everyone and its ok to have a voice and an opinion as long as its voiced in a proper manner. We haved our house rules on a big magnet on our fridge which is also based on respect and common sense, the consequences are also on the fridge it involves 10 steps before a code red grounding and loss of social activity for however long we think is appropriate to the choices they've made, kids need boundaries if you teach them to make the right choice's for themselves, teach them how to deal with emotions at a young age, install respect, good values, morals, talk be open about every aspect of growing up and be a good listener, your doing ok. I dont think I have a lot more to deal with as a single mother compared to coupled parents. My daughter has recently graduated from St Johns College with her s.a.c.e certificate, she has a job at super cheap auto and is seeking employment in the industrial area, she can talk to me about where she wants to be in 5 years, and what she wants to achieve in life, she has great vision about her fruture and Im so proud of the person she has become and wants to be. Just recently she went on holiday's to Bali. She's been parasailing, white water rafting, has learnt how to surf, been sky diving with her partner. We have great communication which is important, I have always given her straight answers about life and growing up. I think maybe I was blessed to have had been taught good morals an d values, respect was constantly pumped into us, my parents sperated when I was 16 and everything was civil not straight away ovcourse it took a year for things to calm down but our family bbq's involve both parents and their new partners and the love is unconditional. I think if you can learn from any situation whether it be good or bad its a positive. As a parent we never stop learning and educating our children and the children that are in our lives, cousins, nieces, nephews, there friends and families. Nobodoy's perfect, we are all unique individuals, as long as we take responsibily for ourselves things usually fall into place. Constant love I smother my children with, I'm the mum, dad, friend, sometimes enemy but upmost mother and educator.
chucky
I completlly agree with you. I have lived in both world of single parenting and coupled parenting. People do put you into one cadagory when ur a single mum.
Anonymous
100% AGREE!! I often get looked down on when i go out and one of my 3 kids under 4 misbehaves... I do everything in my power to look after my kids and teach them how to behave, and am sick of being looked at like a criminal because who wouldve guessed, children DO misbehave!
Anonymous
I totally agree. Except in the case of young teens having babies for the money, NOT the JOY of raising children!!!
Lp
I don't know what you guys are talking about? Who told you that, there is not guide for being a parent? You know, when we do accept to be responsible, we do change the way of our behaviours which we used to have when we where single. If we used to go out and sleep out after CLUBING, we need to stop those behaviours because we are responsible now. Being responsible, does not mean just to have or to be parent. When you looking after yourself well, you are responsible for yourself! The more responsibility we do have as parents is : - Trying to educate a person, feed, give shelter, good knowledge and open opportunities for them. If we do not do all this as a parent, it a scheme to call yourself a parent!
Paul42
I think you are right, raising a child is actually a community responsibility but we have 1) become so isolated in our communites we've no idea who are neighbours really are, 2) lost our sense of community and allowed individual rights to take over precedence - so much so that if say a shop assistant told our kids to stop trashing the store, many parents would get upset with the assistant, not the rat bag kid.
The answer, no idea, perhaps overall one that is positive and the message is community rather than individual.
Anonymous
Well said I totally agree and I honestly think this is where society is going wrong with the aspect of respect that younger children need to learn. Grandparents provide a huge amount of teachings to their grandchildren that needs to be taught. It absolutely discusts me when I get on the buss and there are elderly, pregnant, hurt people standing and young teenagers are sitting. I dont agree with the cane in school but I do know that since the day it was taken out society is a lot more disrespectful and it certainly was a goood scare tactic, was for me any way i always stood to attention when our 7ft tall head master did the rounds in the school yard, nodding his head and asking if your behaving, maybe we need to bring a bit of this back.
Wary
I sincerely hope you are taking the p**s Paul. Could you imagine the arguments among the adults, about how the kids should behave? Ask 10 separate parents the same question about 'proper' child-raising and you'll get 10 different answers! Great idea if you want totally confused kids! I'll back out now, while I still can!
Joydy
Grandparents love the grandkids (well this one does) and usually grandkids love them back. If only all families could agree that generations are good in a family. Our kids knew that not only parents, grandparents but aunts, uncles and cousins are all part of the family. We are still very close - only trouble is a family party can number over 30 and still growing. But isn't that a great problem. We love to get together with the extended family and all the third generation have multiply grandparents! Let the grandparents do a bit of spoiling - that is what they are here for! Keep up the good work!
Mrs Goddard
As a high school teacher I have to agree with you, Aimee. I see far too many parents who completely absolve themselves of any responsibility for their child's behaviour and think that we (teachers who see them, maybe, 4 hours per week) can "fix" them. Many of these parents say "I just don't know what to do with him" and I can't help thinking "then why did you have him in the first place?" These parents who claim to have "tried everything" have generally tried nothing, or tried "something" badly and then given up because they didn't get instantaneous results. Parents - wake up! Your child's behaviour IS a reflection of your parenting abilities. Crap child = crap parent.
Jo
Joydy you are so right, my parents are so important in the upbringing of my children. My husband works away and working full time myself I need a lot of support, sometimes this is even just "Lanny and Pop" on Skype with the kids while I hit the shower. But more than what I need, my kids need their Grandparents, it gives them someone else to go to, another opinion, another cuddle, another special person to share their lives with. Let them have those special moments, my parents and I don't always agree on how I should parent but that's ok, sometimes I need to hear what they are saying other times it's ok to do it my way, but let them have their grandparents as much as possible.
Anonymous
I have to disagree with you Paul. I dont think it is the responsibility of the community at all. The parent is responsible for the child because the community did not ask the parent to go have a child. You have a child because you are ready to be a parent, you are ready for all the responsibilities that go with being a parent. This is why I think a lot of parents end up not caring about their children especially the teens because they think that the community is responsible that is total rubbish.
Sydmum23
Thanks, but we've tried numerous times to talk with both sets of grandparents to no avail. I know some absolutely lovely grandparents but unfortunately, they're not related. Without going into detail, let's just say that after numerous talks, it's been made clear from the grandparents that they would rather do their own thing and only be a grandparent when convenient for them. Sad I know, but everyone has accepted that this is how it is in our family. We've kind of adopted some neighbours as our kids grandparents, as they're wonderful ones to their own grandkids and are more than happy to oblige! However, it all works well for our family, and that's really all there is at the end of the day with parenting. It's about what works best for your own family. There is no secret. There is no one big thing that works for everyone. It's very individual, just like each person that makes up a family.
Joydy
As a grandmother I think you need to talk to the grandparents. We love being involved with the grand kids and often go and stay for a few days at a time or they come and stay with us. Parents are always in charge of the childrens behavior - if I don't agree with what is happening will talk about it when children are in bed or out of ear shot. Parents must be encouraged and helped in any way we can help. Parenting today is harder, I think, than when my children were growing up. So many more distractions for both parents and children. Please try and enjoy the grandparents of your children. It is so important for children to have grandparents - and that is the job of grandparents to spoil the grandkids. My grandson thinks only grandmas money makes the toys at the shopping centre work!!! Great for the parents!~
Sydmum23
Totally agree. Grandparents for us are quite distant and to be honest, happy to not be involved, but when they do visit, it's a real pain. The kids know that they can get away with murder with the grandparents, but it's just not acceptable. We're all much happier when it's just the four of us - the nuclear family, and we have to do it all ourselves. Things run much smoother. We have schedules, routines, etc. Yes, it can be tough, but nothing is easy. It's something that you simply take on when you decide to become a parent.
tmoroney
i have to disagree. i have found that in my recent experiences (being the mum of boys 14 months apart that are total hellraisers!!), that i have more trouble when the grandparents are around. I will try to tell them off at shops and end up getting told off by my mother or mother-in-law for not letting 'boys be boys' or it is the shops fault for making things so accessible. It is quite unbelievable really when all i hear all the time (even from their own mouths - was that they were treated so much more harshly in their day) but i end up being the one in trouble all time! work that out.
And every time they come to stay the kids get away with everything (and you may say don't let them - but you argue with parents and in-laws when you have to wake up and go to sleep with them for two weeks with partner stress and screaming children.)
hellron
It would be good if as possibilly in the past (oh no!) that the whole comunity raised the child.
Coll
I agree totally !!!
missjiff
i agree