Children`s behaviour
Posted by: 19chris51
18th Nov 2010 05:57pm
I am appauled at the way children behave, not all I`ll grant you, but gosh I had a lovely friend and her children stay for a few days, man oh man, the boy who is about 7, wow if he could not get his own way, punched,kicked and swore at his mother for goodness sake if mine had of done that they would have been punished, but no this child`s grandmother, gives him what he wants to shut him up and says her daughter is too strict......I don`t know about other kids but I have seen kids behave like him.......Why are kids like this?
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Comments 45
clarkeyh
As a mentor to children, any carers including parents and grandparents have the opportunity and responsibility to cultivate these impressionable children with habits that respect those around them and not being so selfish when sharing public space. While I am not inclined to produce my own children in the near future, I am passionate of the view that when children are in my care, no matter where they are, whether in public or only in each others company, they should be making a conscious effort not to make a deliberate nuisance of themselves or conspire with their peers to make it difficult for others to live in peace. I don't expect full quiet but their attitude should be that of consideration and to make a concerted effort to not deliberately annoy others. With these values, any children should evolve into ideal citizens conscious of their role in the broader scheme of society.
Sil sil
My understanding is family and parenting are just not on the list anymore, handing over kids to day care etc, don't have them then, because children need a lot of discipline & your time!!! If you cannot invest 3-5 years at home then don't have them. I worked my behind off for many years before having children in order to stay home for 4 years & I made a choice to only have 2, I thought I could handle two & stay on top of things, if my husband was not around one day I think I could take 2 kids through life ok. So I spend my days keeping my children occupied with activities, interacting with other children, etc along the way is teaching constantly how to respect everybody, the house, the dog, the toys, book, food absolutely everything! It's not easy which is why I knew 2 would be my max so I don't get into "oh well" attitude & definately would not expect my eldest to teach or raise my youngest, that doesn't work well either. I see kids walk around playground with food in their hand? Coming down a slide with a biscuit in their mouth? I think basic food & table manners, also keeping our equipment clean. I see kids unwrap something & throw the packaging on the floor & the guardian is no where to be seen. Sorry if it sounds like a rant but these kids we fail to raise with basic ethics are what are going to be released into society one day. There is a time & place for everything, learning that is the key
Tash001
It all comes down to parenting and learning in early life. If a child does not have appropriate role models and influences how can you expect a child to act appropriately. I'm 18 and was never smacked or spanked as a child but my parents were strict and enforced the rules in various other ways, none of which lead to any harmful psychological scarring. None of my siblings or myself received physical punishment when we were growing up and we all function appropriately within society. I have just become the legal guardian of a beautiful 1 and a half year old and am quickly learning different methods of teaching him what is right and what is wrong and hope that he does not turn out to be a terror like the 7 year old your describing.
Anonymous
What I think is the more important question is; why do adults behave like this?
Look at the confusion being created by two different adult figures in the childs life. Why does the child act up? Because they're being thrown loads of different signals and are also trying to test their boundaries. It's natural for humans to do this and I assure you it's not just children. It's everyone.
It seems to me that most kids are innocent and blaming kids is cheap as fuck, and strips the adult of responsibility. I get kids are a nightmare but they're kids. They don't have as much to go off as an adult does. They haven't learned what is acceptable and what isn't. By throwing this particular kid two different methods, the kid will never learn. Who's fault is it?
Blame the kid, right? Fuck that...
Anonymous
The parent's plain & simple. Gee's if I had of swore at my mother when I was a kid I would've got knocked into tomorrow. Now they just can't be stuffed. This crap about both parents working & not having time cause there to tired. Why is the Mother working???? Why can't she stay home & pull the kid's into line. Also guess what? If you make your kid's pick up their toys (IT WON'T KILL THEM) if they don't listen pull the plug on that PC or remove that phone that's glued to there hand. They'll whing & whing but they'll get the hang of it. But most of all over time you'll also get a bit of respect.
CAT17
"Spare the rod spoil the child" was the old way to discipline children, but today there are much better ways, depending on their age ofcourse. A lot of children have other people in their lives from a very young age now a days (day care) and have to be able to cope with "rules" and expectations from not just their parents but by the people whom they are with for up to 10 hours a day. I think some parents over compensate and indulge their children beause there is a certain amount of guilt attached to leaving their children in day care, though we cannot judge them for it Many woman have no choice but to return to work and day care is their only option so they can. Quality time spent with your children has a very possitive effect on their behaviour as that is when they learn what is acceptable or not in their behaviuour. You cannot expect a child to learn this if no one shows them how. Children actually function very well when they are given limitations and boundaries. I am a retired early childhood teacher and I know that often the child that had "bad" behaviour when they first came to school, blossumed under the ""rules and boundaries" that are needed at school. When a child is part of a group and wants to be accepted by that group they will change their behaviour and in fact accept and even like the rules. My 3 little grandsons are not perfect (well to me they are) but I am very proud of the way my daughters (and their husbands) are raising them. Hopefully the effort they are putting in now while the boys are young will hold them in good stead as they get older. As parents we need to keep our "fingers on the pulse" and intervene when and where necessary to ensure our children are accepted by society and are responsible part of it. Parents must take responsibility for their child's behaviuour and should try to be a good example to them.
Ganic12
Today's parents are having a very challenging task to keep kids under some sort of control,if it's really possible. Simply most of kids do not have a respect to other people even to parents.They just know what they wana to have,simple formula. Who spoiled today's generations, a lifestyle,parents'attitude or something third i do not know. Things are going from bad to worse.
Anonymous
I think a little bit of this has to do with what they watch, the kind of shows they watch, whether its action or videos with fighting in it. My son has his days when if i say no he cracks it but i ignore it then he forgets about it. I've copped things thrown at my head because i haven't done what my son wants. I really don't know where he gets it from. It could also be weather they see the parents do the same hit something when something goes wrong. Don't get me wrong I make sure my son gets punished but i find if i ignore his actions he forgets about it
trix56
I had 4 children, 3 girls and a (very) late boy. I never hesitated to give them a smack on the bum when they needed it. Not very often as they learnt from this what acceptable behaviour was. It was actually the WORST punishment you could dish out to my son. Generally a "look" or a word was enough. This was the same way I was brought up.
My children never got into alcohol and drugs as they seem to these days and all are responsible caring human beings living their own well-to-do family lives with children of their own. AND they are bringing up their children the same way.
The kids aren't perfect. They still misbehave as children are prone to do but mostly they are a joy to be round.
I know many people these days who WILL NOT smack their children and the children are self-centred, abusive little brats who have no idea how to behave.
As a grandma Yeah, I like to be a bit soft on the kids and tend to spoil them attention. But they know when grandma says "NO" she means it.
sherri
Does he have ADHD, or allergies? I know that this is often bandied about as 'excuses' for the behaviour of poorly disciplined children, but the converse is also true - and 'superparent' can be made to look poor of ineffective in the face of an allergic or ADHD child in full flight. But that is very different, and needs to be managed differently to a tantrum that is about naughtiness even though they look the same to an outsider.
WHATEVER though, parents need all the support they can get, and grandma should not be undermining her daughter's authority - especially if she thinks that her daughter is too strict because the daughter will only become even tougher to undo the damage.
Debbie
I have one question about this....is there a parent at home to set the rules? Part of the problem with our society is that everyone wants everything, we are a throw away society, not many people bother to fix things and throw things away when they dont look perfect. A lot of families are double income with society ie. before/after/ school care or Grandparents expected to bring the kids up. Most of these situations mean that the child is not set any 'House/their home' rules for most of the time, no consistancy. I know some people have to have 2 incomes to survive but 'survive' is the operative word. Its not easy being a one income family, you cant give your children all the latest stuff but you can give them your time which, even if they dont know it, is what they need. I know.....Can of Worms....good show that!
Debbie
I have one question about this....is there a parent at home to set the rules? Part of the problem with our society is that everyone wants everything, we are a throw away society, not many people bother to fix things and throw things away when they dont look perfect. A lot of families are double income with society ie. before/after/ school care or Grandparents expected to bring the kids up. Most of these situations mean that the child is not set any 'House/their home' rules for most of the time, no consistancy. I know some people have to have 2 incomes to survive but 'survive' is the operative word. Its not easy being a one income family, you cant give your children all the latest stuff but you can give them your time which, even if they dont know it, is what they need. I know.....Can of Worms....good show that!
Debbie
I have one question about this....is there a parent at home to set the rules? Part of the problem with our society is that everyone wants everything, we are a throw away society, not many people bother to fix things and throw things away when they dont look perfect. A lot of families are double income with society ie. before/after/ school care or Grandparents expected to bring the kids up. Most of these situations mean that the child is not set any 'House/their home' rules for most of the time, no consistancy. I know some people have to have 2 incomes to survive but 'survive' is the operative word. Its not easy being a one income family, you cant give your children all the latest stuff but you can give them your time which, even if they dont know it, is what they need. I know.....Can of Worms....good show that!
perl
First of all i will say that children have far to many rights in this day and age. However if you put in effective parenting techniques and be open to your childrens changing attitudes and needs your chhildren will begi to realise that the world is not such a bad place at all and that they are valued and protected no matter what. there is no need for physical discipline in any shape or form. Get to know your children let them know that you are there to support them and get involved in their everyday life activities.
Parsimony
"The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for
authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place
of exercise. Children are now tyrants"
This is part of a quote attributed to Socrates a greek philosopher born in 469 BC.
Seems like not a lot has changed.
poisonedperfect
i was raised properly and unlike the majority of the younger generation these days, i know the difference between disciplining your child and abuse.
the bottom (the most 'fatty' part of the child's body so as to not severely damage the poor kid) is sufficient enough for a smack as my father and mother have done when i was unruly etc growing up. discipline can easily turn into abuse if the parent/s continue on the 'lesson' simply because they want to 'vent' etc and not because they think the child hasn't learned their lesson.
i think in order for children to truly see this, we need to explain things clearly. i'm ridiculously fed up with the lack of common sense displayed by people nowadays.
@stretch. no adult would desire to be 'punched in the face' if they were unruly. the difference between a child being disciplined and punching a fellow adult in the face is... you should know better and should already have fully developed reasoning skills. children, especially when quite young, are still developing their reasoning for certain actions and that there are consequences to everything they do.
parents discipline their children in order to instill the association that, with a bad actions comes bad consequences.
*scoff* i'm aware of this at the age of 21... it amazes me how quite a lot of people older can't grasp this simple psychological concept. i'm glad that there is a topic about this on here.
Phoenixarizona
The problem wth parenting is that nowadays parents are taught from the word go to "meet with the childs demands".
Now I don't know about you but I do not believe in smacking a child ever. It will never ever send the right message.
But on the other extreme is the parents who "Reason" with their children. Pfft.
When a child starts and adult must remain the adult stay calm and dish out the discipline properly.
My kids hear the words "not acceptable" and they know that something will be confiscated and they will end up in timeout.
Making your children apologise for their behaviour is another good one.
When a child speaks out of line (mine rarely do) You say " you don't speak to anyone like that. Ever."
See children are only ever on loan to us they are not ours to keep. If we hit them we are teaching them that it is ok to hit others. Which is not teaching respect at all is it?
As parents we need to be the adults and authoritarians. stand up for ourselves say no and discipline our children accordingly.
Loopie
It seems that since disipline has been taken out of schools kids have learnt no respect. When both my children started school, in the first week, they were told they have rights and no-one can tell them what to do. My daughter started at a private school, and my son a public school.
megani
Because parents/grandparents pander to their kids too much. There is absolutely no way that my child would ever be allowed to behave like that, and he knows that too. My nephew is possibly the most horrid child I have ever met & that is down to his parents giving in to him all the time. Sometimes anything for a quiet life can backfire spectacularly.
den09s
I don't believe that all parents are to blame for their childrens behaviour. I think it's society as a whole. You can have the best parents and yet have problems with a child/teenager. A lot of the problems come from alcohol and drugs in families get rid of them and you will find a lot of societies problems disappear. Younger children look up to their older siblings and if one tends to stray then so will the other thinking they can get away with it ......as they usually do. Then it becomes to late. That's why our prisons are so full. Statistics show that there is only a 10% of recurring crime by the same people. The main population on the whole are well behaved.
chupachup
Stop beating up on the kids, clearly it's the parents fault as they have never set the boundaries for the child in the first place. From my own observations there is a generational change in the way kids are being parented, nowadays the parents don't have the guts to say no to a child, and want to be their best friend, not their father/mother. No wonder the kids are mixed up, but I believe that all kids are essentially good and can be taught proper manners at any stage as long as a Role model - parent/grandparent/auntie - is willing to step up and give the parents a wakeup call.
19chris51
chupachup, all I can say to that is You are right,
19chris51
I totally agree with Lindy and Granma4, and I thank them for their coments, as i commented in an earlier post I`v seen some outlandish behaviour,and I am quite appualled, it is the do gooders at it again, they ruin society, I don`t say (and I have never ) beat a child, but a spank dosent go astray when they are naughty.
Children are told from an early age (school) that they have rights and I believe they do, but on saying that so have parents, children need boundries,otherwise how do they grow up to be responsable, rational adults, no boundries............. thats what we see a lot in (not all) todays young people
stretch
even a small smack can have an impact on the kids
thanks for the thought
19chris51
stretch I am sorry for what you went through as a child, we were, (I was) talking a s mall smack on the bottom,not full on abuse e.g. belting a child or mental crulity to a child (or anyone for that matter,which souds like you had) and you are right abuse of any kind reverberates through generations, goodluck ,stretch with everything.
stretch
i lost my job 9 years ago after a small incodent with the law
look at the facts if you hit some one sooner or later it will come back on you mine has been a long 9 years and i lived in a very abusive household as a child
i believe kids of today need to be punished somehow but try not to hit strike bash or abuse them as it has a hand over effect
good luck with the media as we all believe in freedom of speech and power to the people
19chris51
gee wiz stretch, you are so clever and absolutly WRONG, with everthing, I am afraid you will have to think again, and guess what I work in Media/Public Relations ! goodness where did you go wrong with your social scicology,guess again They are certificates!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sherri
the problem is when 'spanking' - or whatever is the ONLY thing that you do! ...or when spanking is the only thing that you can think of doing but WON'T do!
I will probably be labelled a 'do gooder' for saying this, but there ARE other ways of disciplining children.
Having said that, think that the problem is that we as a society have taken away a tool (that was misused by some) without giving alternatives, and so parents end up at the end of their tether and feeling powerless ...and so some 'lose it'! - and children end up being beaten by an angry parent where otherwise they might have received an 'unwise' but timely smack!
I agree with earlier comments - we DO need to allow parents to teach children respect and boundaries as a FIRST priority- by whatever means.... - and to give parents other methods of discipline to add to their tool-box as a second strategy.
BTW - my 3 children (now adults) were smacked (probably a total of 5 times all up). They knew that there was a possibility that I MIGHT! And yes, they were normal kids who did push those boundaries for all that they were worth...and I remember a 'conversation' with a derfiant child who tried the 'I have rights/ you are not allowed to hit me' line. I replied that we could deal with that AFTER we dealt with the behaviour, and should he decide to go ahead, then a smack would be the result. 'Funnily' enough he decided to back down on both that, and the 'whatever it was'!
AND there have also been times when my children (when very young) were put down for a nap because -I- needed a break, and one memorable occasion when I went for a walk rather than discipline because I was angry, and was likely to lose it!
stretch
but who is to say what is rational
i may use social scicology on you and find anti social behaviour in the mum
i would believe you to be a single mum
no dad on seen
a boyfriend
a son
and trying to keep the kid off the streets and in good company
you dont have a year 10 leaving ticket
am i right
19chris51
My daughter`s children, know where their boundries are, they push them at times as children have always done, but on the whole they are really good children, they squabble and argue between themselves,but when she says enough, they stop,(and that is always at home never out) I was with her one time, my grandson(who was aboat 4 at the time)threw a tantrum in K-Mart, she just said "fine, when you have finished your tantrum, I will come back for you," he learnt quick smart not to carry on, if she says NO,she means NO and I think that is some of what is missing, Say What You Mean AND Mean What You Say
marcia1945
I totally agree that chrildren need to learn where the boundries are in life, otherwise we have them growing up to having no respect for any one, I don't know how it has got so bad that we have our 80 and 90 yr olds getting attacted in their own homes, is it because we have not taught them to have respect. I am worried for our next generation if this is not stopped soon.
Lindy
A lot of parents dont teach children to respect people ,I for one believe that a slap on the leg is needed sometimes and the dogooders should mind their own bloody business!!!
Jenny
Totally agree, where are the manners. I was taught to always say please and thank you and excuse me. It is sad, what is Australia coming too, the old values are long gone (in most cases).
mikhali
While I tend to agree on the point of old values not being taught, I think the bigger problem is the kind of lifestyle everyone is living nowadays.
Pressures of both parents working and then raising a family when they get home - they seek an easy way out - put the kids in front of a computer or TV.
No meaningful interaction or gentle steering in life.
How many kids do chores at home nowadays? How many cook? Who can be bothered?
If anything is being lost, its the idea that you need to work hard in order to acheive anything in life, its not given to you on a platter. This also means the way you interact with people outside the home. Showing respect, compassion and empathy.
sherri
Where? Not in my world. I can't think of any teenagers of my acquaintance who are anything other than a delight. Even the 'wild child' I know behaves the way that she does because she cares too much!
yes, I do see some acting out - on tv and in malls etc. - but I don't know these ones, so I don't know their stories and can't judge their reasons.
starliner
I totally agree. I have raised 5 children. The youngest is23yo and respect is the key word. You do not give in to bad behaviour. Children will push you to the limit if you let them. sometimes they can take it the other way. If you're not firm, they think you're not interested enough in their welfare. Sometimes we call it Tough Love!
paradox
Hi Lindy, love your reply and totally agree. I copped a fair bit more than a slap on the legs and it didn't make me a juvenile delinquent. In regards to Grandmothers, their job is to be on the kids side. I know, I'm married to one.
stretch
i had kids and the law removed them
to memory neither me or the ex never hit the kids as webelieved it was not needed
the old rule of
dont hit unless you want to be hit comes to mind
you need to look at the people the kids are hanging with
and reduce the alcohol and drugs around the kids
stretch
i dont believe a slap would help maybe less grog and drugs around the kids
as well for the kids to spend time with older teachers whist whithin schiool
may help a little
the old rule comes to mind
dont hit unless you want to be hit back comes to mind
stretch
the real trouble is the old values have not been taught for the last group of decendents
it comes with migration we follow the larger amount within our population
what we could do is to ask the teachers to look at trying to use manners and edicute from the former generation or maybe go back to our granparents generation and have a look at the changes with manners
chonz2
I believe a slap every now and then is needed these days. there is absolutely nothing wrong with it and i'd bet the people who believe its wrong don't even have children
stretch
This comment was removed because the moderators found it broke the house rules.
stretch
ok i was a parent and have not seen my kids for around 9 years but
as a rule never hit the kids there are other ways of punishing people
lets say you do wrong by me do i walk over and give you a punch in the head as a rule of thumb
dont hit unless you want to be hit back
Lindy
Nice to see some likeminded people out there
grandma4
I totally agree with you lindy the doogooders should pull their head in and take a look at the real world where teenagers are running wild and dont respect or care for anyone but themselves