Health & Fitness

Mental illness advice

Health & Fitness

Posted by: HJW

29th Apr 2009 11:47pm

Advice in how to help anxious/depressed adult son


Comments 43

aedna
  • 26th Oct 2019 08:50am

We have to meditate. Get into thoughtless awareness. We can do it. Stop destroying innocent people and saying God told me to do it. Re purpose our factories churning out guns, bombs, ammunition and give people jobs in something useful. Then our refugees will be able to live safely in their own homes. This planet is heaven but we are turning it into hell. If we meditate we will regain our sense if what is right and what is wrong. Our lives will be back into balance.

Leonardus
  • 23rd Mar 2017 01:34pm

I have a mental illness. I do what my psychiatrist says, take tablets prescribed and exercise daily which all helps

Rugrats6
  • 20th Feb 2012 12:20am

Not sure where you live but family works is a good place to start.

mummybear
  • 3rd Jul 2011 09:37pm

This is an old post. I just want to know how YOU are?Firstly. And how are things going? Has it gotten better or worse? Have you found the help you were seeking?

Remember to look after yourself too as it can be a trying time for the whole family.

orient
  • 23rd Jun 2011 06:06pm

Councelling is the best form of theraphy in depression, but even talking to a good friend about the feelings, and just having that assurance that someone cares, and letting steam out rather that botttleling up. You are a winner, in the right direction. Good luck, Please take this advice as I am a Psychiatric Nurse for many years and know how to deal with this situation.

Nancy

MandMm
  • 19th Apr 2011 06:04pm

If you are finding it hard to contact qualified professionals, i.e you can't get your son to the doctor, or you are having trouble applying advice given to you by organisations, getting your son out and in to the community where he is exposed to new or challenging things can help. Experiencing the people around his community will really open his eyes to things, occupy his mind and get him thinking less about what is causing his illness, and the habits he has possibly formed.

zephyr
  • 18th Apr 2011 11:17pm

Hi, firstly wishing all the best for your son and yourself as depression and anxiety can be so debilitating.

I'm 54 and have bipolar which means I have wonderful highs (albeit out of control!) and long periods of major depression and anxiety. My problems started as a teenager and I was also too uncomfortable about my illness to seek help. Finally my boss at the time put me onto a lovely psychologist who helped me a lot and I had medication from my GP.

Both the psychologist and the GP retired and I then went through a series of psychologists and psychiatrists who were all pretty useless. It was a very bad time and I "flew solo" which made everything really awful for my husband, but he stuck with me through all the bad times when my moods swung wildly.

For the last five years I have been seeing THE most wonderful psychiatrist, starting off with twice weekly appointments and now once weekly. I've had a few hospitalisations in that time but I know my doc is always there for me.

Hopefully by now you have contacted some of the resources mentioned here and your son is improving. If not then I hope you will be able to help your son seek assistance from his GP to see a psychiatrist or psychologist. Psychotherapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and medication worl well together. It is daunting to have to ask for help. BTW I agree that Beyond Blue is a great organisation. The other thing your son could do is to join an online forum for depression. I am a member of a forum for people with bipolar and I find it very useful to chat with others about experiences.

Mish
  • 11th Jan 2011 01:54pm

I have suffered from anxiety most of my life and had depression as a teenager but one of the biggest influences I had were books on the mind and thinking, like Wayne Dyer. All you can do is plant the seed of possibility, that there is a way out, and then let him take the steps towards recovery. There are many therapies besides the usual mainstream ones that can help. I'm not a big talker about personal stuff so I found kinesiology and acupuncture were fantastic for clearing away a lot of confused emotions and there is no pressure to talk. It's important to find balance in all aspects of life so he needs to become aware of thought patterns, make sure he is getting exercise, eating well and to educate himself on what is happening in his body. I admit that I had to become so sick of myself being miserable that I would do whatever it took to get out and it's not an easy road by any means, but totally worth it. I now treat many people with various forms of mental illness and can see that medication may ease the symptoms but seems to prevent a true recovery, ie finding acceptance and peace within. Some can be pretty addictive so best to leave as a last resort.

Saffie
  • 10th Jan 2011 06:24pm

Activities keeps people off the undesirable ... what does he like to do ... arts / sports / music even cooking .. whatever.
Check out online where there's a free or affordable classes / activities for these .. even concerts for those who love music could be a start.
Get involve in the activities together with him. Dont tell him U care, but show him U really do.
U gotto be open to him - see from his perspective.

My mom gave birth to me n bro when she was 40. When she was 55, we were teenagers - 15 - but we didnt have a hard time cause she gave us freedom and trust us and the ultimate was, she introduced us to a religion to believe in, way since we were young. She was always there for us. She didnt say it, but she was always there.

Religion kept me n bro straight n not astray. Yeahh, we made mistakes, but we kept going back to the One - God.
Its hard if U dont believe ... cos U have to believe in Him first.

Hey, its still not too late ... be there for him - dont rely on the anti-depressants. If he's on it, I think the drugs will pull him to become dependant on it - when he doesnt hv it, he'l just be an empty user wanting for more. DETOX and start afresh - eat good food - U r what U eat - go natural ok.

Start now ...

Anonymous
  • 10th Jan 2011 03:46pm

Try not to keep bringing it up. Acknowledge it, love him and encourage a full life of exercise and doing anything he feels passionate about. There will be good days and horrible days, but just enjoy what you can, when you can.

SarahEC
  • 23rd Dec 2010 01:03am

I have often referred male staff to counselling services by putting it as no big deal - just something that can be helpful, and getting to just talk stuff out and get strategies for going forward, and some perspective on situations. I don't put it in the context of mental health problems, I put it in the context of everyone has crap happen sometimes, and it's useful being able to get advice from someone, and that I've had therapy and found it really helpful and I don't think I'm a nut. So I try to take the shame out of it and explain it as being as normal as going to the dentist. Most of them have taken up the advice (my employer provides a free service, so why not?). Also, if you can get your son to a good GP, they can provide a mental health plan (note it is a mental HEALTH plan, not a mental ILLNESS plan ! ie it is about keeping your mental health) which means that he will be able to claim psychologist services under Medicare (and will also have a GP keeping an eye on him).

Also, many big employers have Employee Assistance Schemes that provide free counselling services not only to employees but also to members of their families, so it is worth seeing if you have any family working for a company with an EAP scheme. (My partner was able to access ours even when we weren't living together). These schemes offer all sorts of counselling, from grief to financial to marriage to career counselling, so it was also useful for me to be able to tell staff that they could use the service for any of these things - so they felt they could call the service without being labelled a nut, and also because it shows that counselling is actually a really commonplace and commonsense way of dealing with all sorts of life issues.

Hope some of this helps and that your son is OK - he is lucky to have a parent like you who has worked out what is going on with him.

Anonymous
  • 3rd Dec 2010 10:47pm

I suffer from depression and anxiety and my recommendation to you is that you see if you can do a Mental Health First Aid Course - check out the Mental Health Website and/or join a support group for people caring for those with mental illness. My partner has done both as a way of not only helping me but also to help him deal with my illness and the impact it has on him. Its baby steps - one step at a time - but it is helping. Depression and anxiety does not disappear overnight and until suffering myself thought it was just a case of people 'getting over it' - finding others that understand is extremely helpful and a we have our own support group in a small country town. Don't give up - it is curable - apparently. But definately seek professional help because they deal with it every day - if one counsellor or psychologist doesn't work - seek out another one - your son has to be comfortable with them and if you get help for yourself the same applies to you.
Wishing you all the best and just wanted to let you and your son know you are not alone out there :)

cat
  • 25th Nov 2010 03:12pm

has your son got a good close older male, someone he can talk to openly. i would try a male phsychologist if he was willing, even if you go together for the first time to help him feel ok. good luck

the rack
  • 16th Nov 2010 09:46pm

Consult your family doctor or call lifeline / beyond blue. These people are trained to work with these illnesses. Please only seek professional care as your first port of call as they are trained in gaining rapport and trust, are non-judgemental and adhere to strict privacy and confidentiality laws and know the latest evidence based therapies. However, he has to agree to this. You can't make him do anything nor can you consult a professional on his behalf without his prior permission.

Qinnie
  • 24th May 2010 02:58pm

Hello HW,

Firstly is your son seeing a psychologist? If so maybe they could get him into a support group such as "Open Minds" they come and visit their clients at their own home and talk about how best to overcome some of the known problems with the person, they are always polite and take things at the clients pace, they also have regular outings that helps break lonely barrier.

Not knowing where you are, makes it hard to know if such services are there. But I am sure that there should be something similar and your GP maybe able to help. I suggest finding out, they have helped me, I suffer the same and more. Your son is not alone, please let him know.

Bea

HJW
  • 24th May 2010 08:56am

Thanks. Still striving to move forward.

srce1
  • 22nd May 2010 09:46pm

depending on what has caused this situation will depend on how much you cna help him. try support groups for anxiety in your area. goggle anxiety disorder support groups. Otherwise the government has been slowly opening up Personal Helpers and Mentors (PHaMs) in all areas of AusTralia. They will help your son connect back to his community and all the supports he needs to get back on track. Hope it helps. I know Phams works as i work in one of their programs.

marty
  • 5th May 2010 01:50pm

Talk to your GP they will advise of the best way to tackle this problem & they may also help with a referal. I myself had these problems when i had to stop working due to an accident & my GP sent me to a Physcrisist who was a great help to me, please show this to the person you are worried about & explain to them your worries & that you want to help. Good luck with this & God Bless.
Marty

mermaid
  • 29th Apr 2010 11:23am

My heart goes out to you, your son and family. Depression is a very serious illness and the most common that when left untreated can have devastating results on a person and that of their family.

While your son may feel embarrassed, share in the thought that he is not alone and ensure you your family and his friends form a support group who will walk beside him in his time of need.

Wishing you all a healthy and happy outcome!


Anzacbaby
  • 1st Apr 2010 08:54pm

I have a 20 year old daughter who was diagnosed with depression at age 16 after a lot of encouragement to get help. Unfortunately she now believes that she is fine and has stopped her medication although it is obvious to all who know and love her that she is still depressed and is also suffering mental illness. Once they are adults unfortunately the system says they can decide if they have a problem or not. Our daughter has caused us so many problems and so much heartache and has not had contact with us or her 12 year old sister for over 2 years.
She made our lives hell when living with us for 7 months in 2007 but we continued to try to help her and support her. For the sake of our own sanity and to protect our 12 year old we have had to cease contact with her. Unfortunately you cannot help someone who thinks they don't need help and constantly refuses it and abuses you when you try to help them!!!

Anonymous
  • 5th Feb 2010 09:14pm

Tell him he is important to you and you are there for him and you will do anything in your power to help him.

HJW
  • 24th Jul 2009 10:47am

Thanks for the caring advice, Will keep trying/hoping

srce1
  • 22nd May 2010 09:51pm
I have heard that Beyondblue.com.au is a worthwhile site to make some enquiry to, At this time anything is worth a try and the help they give may just make the difference you need.
Good Luck

it is a great site and it even lists gp's etc who are well informed in mental illnesses.

HJW
  • 31st Oct 2009 10:06am
As an adult who began to suffer severe depression when I was 56, with absolutely no previous episodes, believe me it is difficult to accept. The one thing that you should be aware of is that your...

Thank you. I'm humbled by your honesty & care. I understand that my son's thinking process is altered making the experience of seeking help so complicated & scary. Sometimes it seems so hard to find the right words to say to him, but thank you, I.ll keep trying. even if its just to hug.

Don
  • 28th Oct 2009 02:10am
If you both know any adults that are suffering or have suffered depression its worth asking your son if he would like to talk to them about the general topic of depression, not "his depression". ...

As an adult who began to suffer severe depression when I was 56, with absolutely no previous episodes, believe me it is difficult to accept. The one thing that you should be aware of is that your sons thinking process will be altered. What seems logical to you will be illogical to him, and viceversa. This is why some of us commit suicide, it just seems so logical.... You probably wont get him to see a doctor, but I finally went to mine, in tears, and he was wonderful. However I found the very best treatment was from a psychologist at my local health service. It is not at all like a visit to a doctor. If he is reluctent to go, go there yourself, seek advice, get contact numbers, for one day you might need them to call a crisis team. I really hope you dont need to, but if things get dangerous, call them at any time, 24hrs a day, and they will come to you. By the way I found psychiatrists useless, they are only good for prescribing drugs. I now take some medication each day, wonderful results, with almost no side effects, so there are remedies for his condition.
He must be encouraged to talk openly about his condition. The taboo of this condition has almost disappeared. If I had diabetes nobody would think badly of me, and these days the fact that I take medication for my complaint is also readily accepted by everyone. It is certainly NOT something to be ashamed of.........
Thank goodness that he has you to support him, love him, hold him and if necessary cry with him, for even if he tries to push you away, he really needs you. God bless you and good luck.

LouLou
  • 27th Oct 2009 01:43pm
Thank you all for words of advice. Small steps are being made.

If you both know any adults that are suffering or have suffered depression its worth asking your son if he would like to talk to them about the general topic of depression, not "his depression". As a sufferer of depression myself I understand the feeling of wanting to "crawl under a rock" even when the focus is on not on me. If that person happens to be a male, even better. I found it suprising that there were people that felt similar things to me. I believed there was something desperately wrong with me. I can take time for this realisation to take place. Good luck HW.

HJW
  • 15th Oct 2009 10:21am
If its Dr's he has the issue with then have him meet one with out informing him they are a Dr, this may help him become more comfortable around them and allow his fears to dissapear. Keep Smiling...

Thank you all for words of advice. Small steps are being made.

solstice
  • 1st Sep 2009 08:14am
Find a good counsellor to begin with. Just tell him he can open up to this person. Go with him for support but not into the room with the counsellor. My friend does counselling and she is really...

If its Dr's he has the issue with then have him meet one with out informing him they are a Dr, this may help him become more comfortable around them and allow his fears to dissapear. Keep Smiling it will all get better soon

jatz50
  • 19th Aug 2009 07:46pm
Its actually the/any doctor he feels unable to face. I have offered to go with him if he needs help with the anxiety a doctors appointment generates. Thanks for the suggestion of collating info....

Find a good counsellor to begin with. Just tell him he can open up to this person. Go with him for support but not into the room with the counsellor. My friend does counselling and she is really great at making the person feel good about talking. It may take a while for him to open up, but its better than seeing a doctor. Don't rush him, just let him go at his own space.
Keep us informed in here on how he is progressing.

HJW
  • 19th Aug 2009 01:52pm
When I was suffering from depression as an adult, my mother printed off all the relevant info from beyond blue and put it all in plastic covers in a folder fr me so it was easy to read he info a...

Its actually the/any doctor he feels unable to face. I have offered to go with him if he needs help with the anxiety a doctors appointment generates. Thanks for the suggestion of collating info. for when he is ready. How do I not appear 'pushy'/

Hellena
  • 15th Aug 2009 03:09pm
Thanks. Looking into their site now

When I was suffering from depression as an adult, my mother printed off all the relevant info from beyond blue and put it all in plastic covers in a folder fr me so it was easy to read he info a bit at a time when I felt ready. I really appreciated her doing this for me, but not until i was ready to accept that I needed help. Until then it sat on my desk for months. But it was there when I was ready. Might be usful for your son. Depression a very embarrassing subject to talk about with family members. Much easier to talk to the doctor about - when he is ready. Beyond blue has all the relevant info about the different drug treatments as well as changing your negative thought paterns (cognative therapy). Cheers!

HJW
  • 11th Aug 2009 10:25am
I have heard that Beyondblue.com.au is a worthwhile site to make some enquiry to, At this time anything is worth a try and the help they give may just make the difference you need.
Good Luck

Thanks. Looking into their site now

solstice
  • 4th Aug 2009 07:04am
Thanks for the caring advice, Will keep trying/hoping

I have heard that Beyondblue.com.au is a worthwhile site to make some enquiry to, At this time anything is worth a try and the help they give may just make the difference you need.
Good Luck

solstice
  • 20th Jul 2009 07:01am

It will not be easy to get them help until they realise they need it, so my suggestion is that you make contact with someone from beyondblue.org.au and see how they can help. You may even have somone close that will call in and chat ? Best of luck with your dilema.

heeleen
  • 21st Jul 2009 10:49am
It will not be easy to get them help until they realise they need it, so my suggestion is that you make contact with someone from beyondblue.org.au and see how they can help. You may even have...

Hi it is hard to get someone that you know needs help to do it unless they are at the stage that they want to , get some reading material about depression from the doctor or you local community health centre and either give them to him or leave them where he will find them. You can voice your concerns to him but ultimetly it is up to him.

HJW
  • 18th Jul 2009 01:01pm

Thanks for the advice. How does one enable another to undertake counselling when that person feels anxious/ashamed? Need to keep the love going.

boocuddles
  • 16th Nov 2010 08:50pm
Thanks for the advice. How does one enable another to undertake counselling when that person feels anxious/ashamed? Need to keep the love going.

I've had this for many years but cope fairly well now after trying lots of things.Frankly counselling and Psych's didn't help me a lot.A good GP,the right antidepressant tablets and positive books on the subject like Dr Claire Weeks would help your son enormously as it did me.

srce1
  • 22nd May 2010 09:50pm
Thanks for the advice. How does one enable another to undertake counselling when that person feels anxious/ashamed? Need to keep the love going.

one can only give the information to the one who is feeling these feelings but like when you take a horse to water , you cannot make them drink, the same for the person who is going through these feelings. be ther efor them by attending or driving the person to see a counsellor and get them to start achieving things which they are good at, once they have a good positive foundation of success than they might start to seek further improvement in their lives

solstice
  • 12th Jun 2009 03:03pm

Seek counselling assistance for your son, there are many in most areas some even online .

katya
  • 29th Apr 2014 06:55pm
Seek counselling assistance for your son, there are many in most areas some even online .

that is a fantastic idea.
it works!
helplines are available too.

solstice
  • 23rd Nov 2010 10:25am
@ SolsticeI myself suffered from panic attacks for 4 yrs in silence I was scared to seek help but once I was on medication and counseling I have never looked back however I need to get out of the...

I am pleased that you were able to get past the issues and get yourself help Donna, It will always help if you have someone to hold your hand to get out the door after that it gets easier..

Donna
  • 22nd Nov 2010 07:54pm
Seek counselling assistance for your son, there are many in most areas some even online .

@ SolsticeI myself suffered from panic attacks for 4 yrs in silence I was scared to seek help but once I was on medication and counseling I have never looked back however I need to get out of the house and go and see a counselor face to face and it helped by me pushing past the fear

Blessing
Donna

srce1
  • 22nd May 2010 09:48pm
Seek counselling assistance for your son, there are many in most areas some even online .

stay away from online advice and seek places like lifeline etc where there are qualified and supported people who cna give you the advice and support you need. be patient as these services are at capacity and you will get through

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