teenage parents and mid life mums.
Posted by: emily
4th Apr 2012 02:30pm
i know theres alot of slack on the age of mums these days and it seems that everywere you go you are getting judged on your age you can be 16 and too young but you can be 25 and still be a young mum,
do you believe there is even a difference between the two?
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Comments 48
Anonymous
its all depends on the person themselves weather the person is ready or not but u seem to see alot of 16 and 25 years old ready to cope with a baby and sum just porn off too there parents, u know wen ur ready to have a baby and no one should be juding u for that
NewMum
I remember meeting a mum in a shopping centre early one morning and chatting while our toddlers played in the centre playground. She had two children in her early 20s and two more in her early 40s. The way she described it was that when she was in her early 20s, she was knackered every evening by the time she went to bed. But the second time around, she was knackered before she even got up! It is very difficult on the mother having little uns later in life, but just as awesome and rewarding. It all depends on the parents attitude. You gotta just love em and protect em and look after em - they are amazing.
Anonymous
no. everyone can choose to be a good or bad parent regardless of circumstances, background age religion or deemed intellect.
ive seen well educated 30 somethings (planned babies) spend all day on facebook ignoring their kids smashing up their house, and downs syndrome 19 yr old (raped but resposible) be the most caring beautiful mother you could imagine. age means nothing-choice is everything!!
choose to be a well informed active responsible parent!
TimsGirl
Age has nothing to do with it.
the only difference is that younger mothers tend to be more often single, and the pregnancy unplanned, and no way to sufficiently support a child (the sole parent pension is an unlivable joke).
I was a young mother, but I was also married and at the time, my then husband had a job. I was responsible and a good mother.
However my husband was a bad husband and an even worse father. So I am now a single mother.
And I do get tired of being compared to an irresponsible, sleeping around teenage mother.
For the first two years of my daughter's life, I tried playgroups and mothers group before I got sick of it. Older mothers were bigotted snobs who assumed I was single and that my daughter was produced by carelessness (when in fact it was rape and I had no say in it, and I had been married two years). And when I tried groups for mothers my age, they really were all irresponsibles morons who slept around.
I was the only university graduate, the only one with a plan for the future, the only one married. I had nothing in common with the young mothers I met in mothers groups.
The only difference between a young mum and a older mum is that a higher proportion of older mums are married and responsible. Some are not - some are every bit as bad as the teenage stereotype.
Never judge a parent by their age, or even at their relationship status - judge them only by their own actions!
squeekums
TimsGirl, What a person you are!
How you answered that troll so kindly and respectfully is amazing to me!
I couldnt have done it
Im sorry for everything you been through and glad you and your child are safe.
TimsGirl
Ozycash again you don't read.
I have challenged you time and time again to find any lie, you have not.
I have never said rape is legal. It's definitely illegal.
I said police laugh at domestic violence claims. I know this because I went through this, and I've been with other women supporting them who went through this.
I also said if you bothered doing your research, you would know this.
It's your statements that prove you have no medical knowledge. I don't know what lack of medical knowledge you're going on about, but I've pointed our several flaws in your claim.
And I never said all single mothers are raped. In case you are too stupid to be able to look up statistics, one in 4 women have been sexually assaulted. A huge number of women get raped. Some of those are single, some of them fall pregnant as a result of the rape.
You don't have to be a maths genius to work out the odds.
Most singles mothers have NOT become mothers by rape. Most single mothers are single because they have been abandoned by the father of their child.
Wake up and get your facts straight and learn how to read.
TimsGirl
Ozycash, do you even read what people write before spewing stupid answers?
I have one child ONLY.
I had no idea my now-ex husband was a monster until six months after we got married when he had a total mental breakdown.
I do not believe in abandoning a mentally ill spouse, and my exhusband was and still is, very mentally ill.
I never said I don't get government benefits. I receive a disability pension because I have massive health problems. I work 7 hours a week most of the time, but have had most of the last 2 months off because of a spike in my health problems.
I never said I had a broken back. I do have a back injury, but not a break.
And I don't know what planet you come from, but just because someone has a broken back, doesn't mean they have money. Many of the spinal cord injury clients I have looked after don't have a cent to their name. To have money, there has to be someone to sue.
In my case, my own back injury was caused by my exhusband. Because of his serious mental illness, he cannot be legally held accountable. And even if a court could be convinced to hold him accountable, he has no assets to sue for.
I don't know what drugs you're on mate, but you need help.
I don't know where you get your delusional "sleeping around" from but the only man I have ever had sex with was my exhusband, and we only had sex while we were married.
Next time you want to call someone a slut, I suggest you don't waste your time on someone who has never had sex outside of marriage.
All you've done mate is show people what you really are.
ozycash
you married a person knowing what they were like and had 1 child, then later you slept around and have had 2 more kids
you claim you dont get government payments and you claim you have a broken back!
well that means you have hundreds of thousands of dollars in the bank
so lets see you are a bad mum you just have more kids so some people will feel sorry for you, but some people also see what you really are
ozycash
ok i will judge you by your actions
you are a liar
you claim rape is legal
you claim police laugh at rape claims
you claim you are a nurse but have no medical knowledge
you claim all single mothers are raped
what a liar you are
shilto02
It's very hard to generalise as there are positives of both. Young Mums tend to be less financially stable and generally don't have the same emotional and cognitive maturity that can be really beneficial at such a stressful (but happy) time of becoming a Mum. On the other hand they might be more flexible in their approach and incorporating baby into their life and have more energy for bub. I think the thing that makes the biggest difference no matter what age is the level of support a Mum has. A strong network of family and friends is so important but their are plenty of Mums at all ages that don't have this.
codge
yep. nine years.
blodwyn
I am a Midwife and have seen it all, it is very hard to generalise, young mums can make good mums, they have been stupid to get pregnant when we have such cheap and available contraception but they can become responsible parents.
There are many arguments here, only 30+ years ago 16 to 20 was not seen as that young, then suddenly we have gone the other end of the scale and now see many women in their 40"s having babies, that could be seen as irresponsible too, it means they will be in their 60's with a 20 year old, which is hard on your body and mind.
My real problems with very young Mums is the cost to the community financially and that I still believe shared parenting to be the best and many of these girls are single with little social supports and mentally struggle with the challenges of parenting. Its the child who is disadvantaged here, by being the child of a child, I could go on and on with arguments and counter points
tassiegirl
Of course, there is a large difference between the two ages. Teenage mums are generally hugely supported by their mothers and or grandmothers who largely take on the responsibility of looking after the child as the teenage mother is too young to look fully after the child and they are also fully financially supported by the government through Centrelink and family assistance. When a woman is older, generally she has finished school and tafe or university and has worked for a few or some years and is married or in a stable relationship. Therefore she is in a much better financial and relationship position to have a child. The only advantage of being a teenage mother is her body is able to cope better with pregnancy. Some teenage mothers do a great job but that is the exception rather than the usual.
ozycash
yes
a 16 year old normally has no way to support themselves
single mums are being paid too much for an easy life, baby bonus, dole, money from the babies father, and many more, commission houses, extra money for going back to work (if they want to work), and many more benefits!
while people like me who cant afford to pay private rent have nowhere to live or have to go without many things
if females cannot afford to have babies they should not have them
pinkflamingoes
Are you serious? I get no child support, not every single mum gets child support or lives in a commission house (I don't have one of those either). I hope you never end up a single parent. I didn't choose to be a single mum but left due to abuse. Wake up to yourself.
squeekums
People like you should be made infertile to make sure that archaic, horrid views such as your own are never passed on
squeekums
If males cant afford a condom, dont sleep with the female. Easy fixed as remember it takes 2 people to make a baby.
squeekums
If a male cant slap some rubber on he shouldnt sleep with the female more to the point.
Go back inside Tony Abbots a**hole with your women hating BS
squeekums
Claimed rape? Aside from all the other BS you wrote, that comment is pathetic, sad, bitter and from someone who I hope to hell dosent have kids
Would you say the same to your daughter if she was raped and chose to keep the child?
What a sad excuse for a human
TimsGirl
Ozycash you make absolutely no sense at all.
I have made very specific comments but you ignore them because they prove you wrong.
I never gave a time frame for cortisone injections. I said "regularly". If you knew the first thing about them, you'd know what "regularly" means. I get them every 4 months in my back. That's what doctors and nurses call "regularly" in regards to cortison injections. You can have them up 3 times a year according to the doctor who does my back ones.
The specialist at the RBH who did the one in my wrist 6 months (just weeks after one of my back ones) claims you can actually have them more often if they are in different body parts. He actually could be wrong and may have just been making excuses for not asking if I'd recently had another cortisone injection in another body part when I questioned him about it after having it done.
Either way, you can definitely have cortisone injections 3 times a year, and that is what is known as "regular" to anyone who knows what they are talking.
And where do you get your $700 per week figure from?
First of all, you do not get 1/3 of that. The disability pension is slightly over $700 a fortnight so you're a liar mate. If you are disabled at all and not just making it up, you get more than 1/2 not less than 1/3. In fact, if you were renting privately, you'd also be getting rent assistance, so you'd actually be getting close to $1000 a fortnight.
I wish I earnt $700 a week. I get on average $120 a fortnight from my job currently, but my pension decreases by approximate $50 because of it. Because my work is an hour away, I spent around $30 travelling there, and I pay $30 in childcare. But even if you don't working costs, I still only get $70 a fortnight morethan you do. Once you take away the cost of working I get $10 more a fortnight than you. Oh noes, I get $10 more a fortnight than you because I work and you don't.
My daughter gets $240 in family tax benefit a fortnight and child support combined. You try living on $240 a fortnight. Her schooling alone costs more than that.
You claim you are so poor, yet even if you add my wages plus the actual amount of pension I get, plus what my daughter gets in FTB and child support, we have two people living on less than one and a half times what you get from your pension.
If you suck at maths as much as you suck at english, let me spell it out for you:
my daughter and I each live on only 2/3 what you get.
Actually once you add in the rent assistance you'd be getting if you rent privately as you claim, what you'd be getting from centrelink in pension plus rent assistance is just about equal to the total of what my daughter and I get from all sources combined. So individually we are getting 1/2 of what you get.
We might have slightly cheaper rent, but we have the cost of two people living on what you get get as one person, and I have to pay around $150 a week in interest on the debts my exhusband ran up in my name.
And no there is no crying. I am merely informing you of the facts of life.
But it would seem you have a problem with facts because you can't seem to get any facts right.
TimsGirl
Iggles I can tell you how many - you will get 99% as many as there are now. You will still get the mothers force to flee violent husbands, you will still get the mothers abandoned by selfish cheating husbands, you'll stil get the stupid teenagers who fall pregnant by stupidity, and you'll still get the middle aged women who think they don't need a man to raise a child, and you'll still get the middle aged women who give up waiting for a man and deliberately decide to be a single mother.
Getting rid of the of the pitiful little support single parents (not just mothers), won't stop the violent fathers, it won't stop men from abandoning their families, it won't stop teenagers from being stupid, and it won't stop older women because the majority of those women have the resources to raise a child alone.
It would only deter a very few number of people, and most of those will be women who didn't deliberately get pregnant, either through carelessness or rape, to murder their unborn child instead of trying to raise the child.
All you'd succeed in doing if you got your way is make sure that battered women and children would have to stay with horrific abusers because they'd have no way financially to survive without a man.
TimsGirl
Ozycash it is people like you that is why so many abusers get away with it.
No one wants to be abused. It happens because sickos like you dismiss people who get abused.
Spousal abuse is taken serious some of the time by some police officers. Others do not take it seriously at all.
If you were truly disabled, you'd know there are not sufficient services to help everyone and many disabled women stay with violent abusive men because they have nowhere else to go.
And if you knew anything at all about the family court system, and the department of child safety, you'd know why so many mothers stay with men who beat them. Get your head out of bum and even just read/watch the news. Violent child abusers can get shared custody, and in some cases, terrible violent child abusers who break their young daughter's fingers can get full custody.
Women who try to protect their children get dragged to court and can even be arrested. Even great grandmothers in their 70s trying to protect their poor great granddaughters from a violent monster is currently being threatened with jail if she doesn't reveal the whereabouts of the girls.
Do not EVER pretend that the police will take spousal abuse seriously. One only has to look at those four poor girls on the run from their violent father to know that the police will take the side of violent monsters.
Wake up to yourself!
ozycash
rape abuse etc what has that got to do with the topic?
it was your choice to marry such a person and your choice to stay!
dont expect others to say 'aww poor little girl' when it is what you wanted!
for your information spousal abuse is taken very seriously by police in most states just because you live in a state that allows people break laws and get away with it, again your choice!
you did not charge your partner with abuse or rape because it did not happen you wanted it that way!
ozycash
you reread your post, "and your not the only 1 in pain daily try haveing a 19 yr old a8 yr old and a 2yr."
if you have a broken back you cannot work!
why do you have more kids? well you get more money from the tax payers and you don't have to work!
i pity you as you have the intelligence of your youngest child and you do not understand english nor can you type in english!
one day you may learn, but i doubt it
spunky70
you sound like a very level headed woman, and tough, I wish you all the best in life and hope it can get a bit easier for you. It is no fun being in that amount of pain every day. And good on you for studing nursing. You obviously have good morals and ethics., unlike some people. Keep your chin up and go hard :). on your side
spunky70
actually my son and his pregnant girlfriend are living in a tent dispite me wanting them to live with me and his father. He wants to show people he can do things on his own he is 19 and she is 18. I actully lived in a caravan on 3 acre's whislt building our house and commuting 2 hrs to and from work at age 19. so women are not all losers. And housing commision does not see this as urgent...am I nissing something. and I agree with every post except 1 person's and I think everybody body else feels the same.
spunky70
and you really need to learn how to read the posts carefully or you need glasses
spunky70
you truely are a very poor excuse of a male I actully feel sorry for you. Please take care and look after your self if your able. Because I couldnt see any one else being interested in helping you.
Anyway I wont be replying again, I have already lowered myself to your level to try and help you understand, but you are to bitter.
I hope life starts to get better for you
spunky70
sorry darling Iif you try reading again, I did not say I was unable to work at all. In fact I have my own part time cleaning business.
No I did not say kids are a daily pain, you just did.
Why do we have kids, because we are human, caring people, something you obviously are not.
and hey presto I was right you are male but ok a skinny little runt then sorry for calling you fat:)
ozycash
hmm now you are name calling, it shows your lack of maturity. no wonder you keep giving birth.
people like you should be made infertile as you are not smart enough to look after yourself!
ozycash
another person claiming that they are unable to work but that person still works
why do so many people lie about themselves?
you say i am fat, interesting, everyone who sees me states i am a little under weight!
you say daily pain is having 3 kids, i think you dont understand english
if you cant afford kids why do you keep having them?
that is my whole point!
oh well female logic and understanding is very rarely correct!
spunky70
OMG you are a bitter ill informed excuse of a man. why dont you stop crying and grow up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
spunky70
I also replied to ozycash. I totally agree with you darl. he is obviously a moron, and I say he, cause I dont think to many women would write that, if they did they dont have kids simple. he's just a bitter old cock
spunky70
ozycash, you are obviously a male a really have not idea. I agree fully with timsgirl.
and your not the only 1 in pain daily try haveing a 19 yr old a8 yr old and a 2yr. I have been a single mother and a partenered. And both ways it's financially tough.
Being a single mother though is very tiring. And then working. You should try it some time instead of sitting on your fat disable arse bitching about every one.
Oh I have a broken back so I now about pain. But you would probably say I did it on purpose!!! And no I am not on pension. I get a small amount of tax benifit b...
grow up and see the real world not your own bubble
ozycash
well done i see you read the question
ignore all the crybabies that have changed the subject to rape :)
my sister has only done a small amount of part time work as she has had kids from 3 different fathers and is now working on another
she always has claimed she is poor but never asked for child support from the first 'one night stand that wrecked her life', never claimed from the second as he did not want to pay, the third pays very little as if she got more her benefits would drop, now she is finally married and nearly 50 with no qualifications no work history so she has now worked out how to get on disability with nothing wrong with her until she can claim aged pension!
it makes me sick that i have to fight government and medical people just so i can work while single mums just get away with it
ozycash
you are a liar you claim to be just a little better off working well you make over $700 per week i get less than 1/3 of that
you pay less rent etc
physiology does not have nurses!
you dont cry to any one but you have cried all the way though this
see what i mean lair!
house, place to live, flat, condominium, unit! again you want specifics yet you type in generalise comments and when people reply to them you attack again! it just makes you a hypocrite!
you legally cannot get cortisone injection as many time as you claim!!!!!!!!! anyone in the medical profession will not allow it unless you have only a few months to live again where is your nursing knowledge? you have none
good bye lair
iggles
Genuine single mums don't have 6 children to six different fathers
iggles
If only the politicians were reading this the country would be a whole lot better. We punish the good hard working mums and dads with high childcare fees and high taxes but hand out all the money in the world to "poor single mums".Cut out all the hand outs and see how many single mums there are then
TimsGirl
Yes ozycash, do your research, and you'll find there is a LOT of rape.
Particularly in abusive relationships.
Most rapes go unreported, and of those were a person goes to the police, few actually proceed to prosecution, and few of those that do proceed, actually succeed.
In cases of spousal rape, the success rate is less than 1% for reported rapes, and that is just the ones that actually do get reported.
As already mentioned, many police officers do not take domestic violence seriously. They tell women they deserved it. I know because I've been told it by one.
Many police officers will try to tell you that spousal rape isn't even possible.
Just because a baby is conceived by rape, also does not mean they are unwanted or unloved. A good parent loves their child no matter how they were conceived.
You didn't not answer generally, you attacked single mothers as a whole and have made it clear you think everyone has got such an easy life compared to you.
Wake up to yourself... stop being so fussy, stop attacking people in general, realise how lucky you really are - you have a roof over your head, some families don't even have that, they are living in tents, with disabilities themselves and severely disabled children - even if they were on the same waiting list for housing as you (which they are not), of course they deserve priority.
Being single or partnered makes no difference to the waiting time for housing because single people only qualify for the same number of bedrooms as a couple together. The people who are given priority are people who are homeless - and sadly single parents are far more likely to be homeless than any other group.
Be glad you have a roof over your head.
You have spare time and internet access... why not do a little research on rape and domestic violence. Then you might get your head out of your behind.
TimsGirl
Ozycash, you call me a liar but it's you who has been caught out in lies. Do a little research, you obviously have all the time in the world to. You will see with a little effort, every word I have said is true.
There are different types of nurses - not all are university qualified. I am a tafe qualified nurse, and that's what I work one day a week in. I also said I got two degrees before I became too ill and injured to work more than one day a week. One of my degrees is in science, the other is in psychology (one of my specialities was drugs of addiction, painkillers being one of my favourite research topics). I never said I have given up my nursing studies altogether. I study a bachelor of nursing externally, which means I do 99% of the work at home. Being a graduate entry, it's a 2 year degree full time equivalent. Because of my disabilities, I've been doing it part time for 8 years, and hope to finish this year. It means I can then triple what I earn working one day a week.
A LOT of seriously disabled people study externally at home. They want to do something with their life and not just laze at home like you.
I know all about severe pain, I take 3 different painkillers (two very strong) a total of 8 times a day and regularly go for top up injections of painkillers, plus steroid injections into some joints. I spent three years working in a surgical ward, and now I work in aged care - I know all about what people in severe pain take.
The reality is, you're a wuss. As I said, you have no idea what severe pain is. Maybe if you got out there and actually worked, you'd actually know. You've never had to raise a child, nor do you know about sacrifices - you'd probably choose to sit at home and let your child starve. I won't do that to my child so I work on in agony. As I've already said, working like this is slowly killing me (literally not figuratively), I've reached the maximum amount of painkillers a person can take outside of being in a hospital, and they barely do a thing.
I don't cry to anyone. I get off my butt and do what needs to be done and don't sit at home feeling sorry for myself like people like you. Even when I know it's literally killing me, my child comes first.
You're right when you say you couldn't look after a kid - but that's your choice. I've seen people with no legs and only stumps for arms raise a child. I've seen people who go to their doctor every day for shots of morphine raise kids. They make a choice to put their child first, even if it kills them, and they raise their child well.
lol I find it hilarious you think 4 years for a house requires a bribe. It doesn't take anything to get a house within a few years other than to be willing to move absolutely anywhere they suggest. Even if you're fussy and want to live in a capital city, even if you're like me and require living near a hospital, it's still only a few years wait. It just means being willing to take whatever they offer.
The only difference between families and singles is that single people only qualify for one bedroom places, as do couples, whereas families qualify for 2-4 bedroom places depending on how many children (same sex children with less than a 7 year age gap share a room). Due to the varying numbers of accomodation the government owns, different types of accomodation have slightly different wait times. Three bedroom houses tend to be the shortest wait, but the wait time for a one bedroom unit is only slightly more than a three bedroom house.
You will never get a "house" as a single person. These people you grumble about, the families and single parents (not all are mums), are not in competition with you - because they are not going for one bedroom places, and you do not quallify for more than a one bedroom place. It doesn't matter how many or how few families are waiting for government housing, it does not effect how long single people wait for accomodation because single people only qualify for one bedroom places (or on occasion, they'll upgrade a disabled person to a two bed place if they require a live in carer most days).
In fact, someone on the waiting list as a single person (or couple) who suddenly has a child come into their care for any reason (and this includes grandparents who get custody of their grandchildren) suddenly qualify for a two (or more) bedroom place and actually REDUCE the wait times for a one bedroom place, thereby reducing the wait time for singles like you.
You can confirm this by a simple call to your local qld government housing office.
If you are waiting for a HOUSE, you'll be waiting forever. Single people do not qualify for houses because they don't make one bedroom houses. As a single person, you qualify one for one bedroom places which pretty much all come in units, apartments or duplexes. If you are rejecting attached housing because you want a house (detached housing), quite simply that's your own fault you've been waiting a while.
The wait for a single person aroud here are nothing what you claim... and it only takes a simple call to a department of housing qld to confirm that.
You might want to check your facts before calling people a liar
ozycash
amazing how many talk about rape
there must be a lot of rapes
reading peoples posts talking about rape and kids then at least 80% of pregnancies happen because of rape!
the question was in general so i answered in general
too many of you cant read and use specifics to say everyone else is wrong
learn to read and understand english before commenting
ozycash
stop complaining about your claimed rape etc if you would rather have your kid
you surely don know the law!
if you are in immense pain then you cannot work so your pain is only a little compared to mine!
I WISH I COULD WORK
now stop crying
you may have been a nurse (even though you said you stopped uni before you were qualified) but when people are in severe pain not much you need a lot of pain killers just to get by!
you work you are healthy or are in no or very little pain
you say you look after your kid, well i would be unable to look after a kid at all
THINK YOURSELF LUCKY AND CRY TO SOMEBODY ELSE
i dont care about you as you constantly lie
4 years for a house wow who did you bribe! i am not fussy they dont have any houses to offer me! have you heard about the fires and flood we have been having and the families that cant manage money so they cant pay their mortgage and single mums? they get the house before i do!
good=bye liar!
Anonymous
education from a young age is key people. what about raped teen girls that decide to be a resposible mum and raise the child they didnt want?? being judgemental leads to NOTHING good. focus on being a well informed diverse human being and living the best life you can-be balanced. no one knows each others personal beckgrounds and pasts at a glance so more understanding for us mums of all ages would be a welcome break! mothering has to be the hardest most underated in importance and value job in the world-yet when you think about it the most critical!! i have 2 teens and 2 toddlers, are they are all amazing and beautiful people. and i wouldnt change the circumstances on having them for anything.
TimsGirl
ozycash I don't know what state your from, but when I applied for housing commission, when I was married, single mothers were not given preference. as far as I am aware, this has not changed in Qld. people who are genuinely homeless are given priority, nothing to do with relationship status.
Are you aware of how little the family tax benefit is? Firstly, if I was on the sole parent pension (which I'm not as my disabled daughter is too old, and I am on the disability pension), but just so you know, the sole parent pension plus family tax benefit is less than the single rate of disability pension.
The full rate of the family tax benefit is a little over $200 a fortnight. So sure, I get $200 more a fortnight than you - but that doesn't even cover feeding and clothing her, led alone her schooling, the extra electricity, gas, travelling costs etc. You try living on $100 a week... that's what my daughter has to do. So when you say I get "more" than you, what a load of crock. You get exactly the same payment as I do, and my poor disabled daughter gets just over a $100 a week to cover all her expenses.
You obviously don't know how the sole parent pension works. When your child turns 6, you must get a job or study at least 15 hours a week... since most jobs are only 5 days a week max, that means at least 3 hours a day for starters. And when your child turns 8, the sole parent is cut off altogether and single parents are moved to the dole with the same requirement as any other dole recipient.
Try reading what I write - I said I make $1.80 an hour after tax, loss of pension and increase in rent. When you work, you lose 50c in the dollar from your pension, you pay 15% tax, and rent increases in housing commission. There is a small income free area on the disability pension but that is counteract by loss of family tax benefit by working as a sole parent. My weekday pay rate is $18.19. So I take home $1.82 per hour after loss of centrelink, tax and rent increase.
I didn't agree to $18.19. Despite having two universities degrees, that was the only job that would take me on with my disabilities and being a single parent.
I never said I had two children, I said my now-ex husband raped me twice. both were in a very short space of time, when I was recovering from major surgery. I didn't have him charged because if you know the first thing at all about domestic violence and the police, you'd know most of them treat it like a joke, and don't even consider spousal rape to be a crime. It was hard enough getting him charged for the physical assaults when my injuries were clearly visible.
Getting any violent spouse/exspouse charged with abuse is near impossible, even in cases of severe abuse. I know because I've been there. You have zero understanding of domestic and the legal system.
To successfully sue someone requires that they have assets. He has no millions to sue for. He went bankrupt and is still in massive financial trouble. He pays the minimum child support because he has no income for them to seize. You can't get money from someone who has none.
You obviously have no understanding of children either- normal or disabled. Even healthy single parents have trouble raising health children alone. I am very disabled, and my child is autistic. Go do a little research on autism.
Lol you say I'm healthy... what a joke. You talk about all these painkillers you're on, I don't really care. I live on the strongest painkillers there are 24/7, I live in cosntantly from multiple pain causing conditions, but I have a child and their needs come first so I work against medical orders. I would say you would too if you had a child, but you probably wouldn't care enough to do so.
Reread what I wrote... I said I work one day a week. I didn't say how many hours, but I work 6 1/4 hours. I do this by pumping myself full of the strongest painkillers. It means I'll be lucky if I see the age of 45 - less if my doctor is right. But I only have to make it til my daughter is 18.
I don't know where get this rubbish about "having a life". My version of a "life" is driving my daughter to school and doing the exercise I need to do to keep my body functioning a little bit longer. I don't see friends, I don't even get to talk to them online anymore. And Tim is a man who lives 1500km away from me who I see for a weekend every 3 months. Neither of us have the time or money to see each other more than that.
And as for people visiting? I don't even have "hardly anyone". Other than tim visiting here every 6 months, that's it.
You're full of it mate. Public housing list is not that long. My brother applied and he is a single, childless healthy man who had rental accomodation and the wait time locally here was less than 8 years. When I applied for housing commission I was married and childless and the wait time was less than 4 years. There are many places around for housing commission where the wait time for a single person is only a few years. You need to stop being so fussy and be willing to take anything they offer, wherever they offer it.
I wish I only waited 12 months for housing commission. you need to get your facts straight mate.
It is you my dear who should be grateful for what you have... because your situation could be worse like many others...in fact your situation could be a lot worse, you could be in my situation which you wouldn't last a day. Imagine your health problems, multiple them a thousand fold, then have to work and look after an autistic child as well with no one to give you a break, and then have to deal with ignorant people on the internet like yourself who think you have it so tough when you live a luxurious life in comparison.
morphine plus five different painkillers ey? did I mention I'm a nurse? In a decade in the industry, I've never met a person ever who takes that many. I also am a member of a number of support groups, several of which are for chronic pain, and again, never met anyone who takes 6 different painkillers. You didn't ask what was wrong with me, but if what your saying is true, you just have one of the many problems I have, except I've been told they can operate once I'm in my 50s, But that is just one of my many health problems. Some are inoperable, others have been operated on many times and failed.
It's great you can sit at home and do nothing while you're in pain, but some of us have to push on through the immense pain even though it's killing us.
I wouldn't swap you - because I wouldn't trade my daughter for anything - but I do envy your easy life and find it sad you don't realise how lucky you are.
ozycash
i have been on the housing list for over 15 years now and single mothers are getting housing and they could not have registered that long ago or they would have applied at age 1 or 2!
the housing commission states that single mums get preference so stop lying to me!
you have not been married for long so you knew what he was like before you had kids
family tax???? i live on disability pension so you actually get more than i do!
many females get pregnant to get the bonus!
single mums do not need to look for jobs unless the child is of school age then they need only look for a job that is 2-4 hours per day!
discrimination ha!! i was either too young or too old or not qualified or too over qualified when i was looking!! you are using sexism as an excuse not a reason
no company can legally sack you for time off for an ill child
to loose all disability pension you have to be earning a lot of money i know, and what has disability have to do with single mothers pension? if you are making $1.80 or $3.50 an hour then you agreed to be underpaid as that is way under minimum pay for anyone, even kids who do work experience get much more than that!
if your husband raped you then he would be in prison and child support would just keep increasing and he would have to still pay it all! why did you not leave after the first rape? why hang around to be raped multiple times?
you said slut not me!
why dont you live my life i am in pain 24 hours per day, doctors refuse to operate on me because i am under 60-65, i live on morphine and 5 other pain killers and all that works only once in a while
the pain killers are not by choice, and it is not even enough relief to go to the local shop to buy milk!
it was you choice to stop working, it was you choice to be raped more than once by the same person!
and i know you claim sexual harassment and sexism on everything yet do nothing about it! take the companies to court, charge you ex with multiple rapes and multiple mental and physical abuse you could settle for millions as that is basically all you talk about!
if you find it hard looking after 2 children then you are doing too many things wrong!
now go and enjoy you better live than i have. you are healthy or you would not be working! you have a life as you have kids and see others, try living in your house rarely getting out, having hardly anyone visit!
your life is hard HAHAHAHA
ps even after 15 years on the housing list i am told i will still have to wait 15-20 years (total of 30-35 years) i will probably be dead by then while you are still living comfortably in your commission house that you had to wait no longer than 12 months for!
the internet is my only source of socialising!
now timsgirl go and hug tim and be thankful for what you have as you could be worse like many others!
TimsGirl
Ozycash you really have no idea mate.
Firstly, eligibility for housing commissions is based on income not situation. If you were on a low income, you would be eligible. And rent is based on income, no matter where it comes from - you pay 1/4 of your income from all sources including centrelink payments, wages and child support - for those who are lucky enough to get anything.
Which brings me to a second point - not everyone is lucky enough to get child support. Some mums like me, mums who never asked to be single parents, but after a decade of an abusive marriage, I fleed before my husband killed myself or my child. It took three years before he paid a cent, and even now only pays just over the minimum of $12.76.
And before you think that's good money - ALL parents on an income below $150,000 are eligible for family tax benefit whether they work or not. However, child support comes out of the family tax benefit, so single parents are literally only a few dollars better off a fortnight if they receive child support and earn below $150K. It's ok if you remarry and your new spouse earns over $150K - you don't get any family tax benefit to lose it, but if you have a spouse earning over that much, child support isn't going to matter anyway.
Baby bonus applies to ALL mothers, married or defacto or single.
Sole parents who get the dole are no different from any other person on the dole - they still have to apply for a certain number of jobs, cannot reject a valid job offer etc. Why should someone be denied the dole because they have a child? Anyone who is unemployed is eligible.
And if you're mixing up the dole with the sole parent pension, you obviously have no idea how small it is, and you're probably unaware that when your child turns 6 you have to meet a part time activity requirement (part time work or study etc) and when your child turns 8, it gets cut off altogether.
Do you know what the job market is like out there? Even married women who are desperately seeking work after their husbands have lost their job (and their husbands can stay at home with the kids) struggle to find work because of the ongoing discrimination against mothers, employers assuming that if the kids get sick, the woman will take time off even after explaining they have dad at home already. So how do you really think single mothers go at finding work?
I know, because I faced that discrimination after my husband lost his job and I tried to return to work after only 6 months out of the workforce.
Even for those single mothers who can find work, have you ever tried single handedly trying to look after a below school aged child and work? After tax, childcare can cost more than what you make - if you're lucky enough to find childcare and to find a job that is within childcare hours - I'm a nurse, and if I didn't have family (and not everyone does) I'd be unable to work at all. And so many bosses fire you if you dare take a single day off because your child is ill or injured.
And benefits for returning to work? I WISH. I couldn't afford the bills, so even though it's literally physically killing me to work, I went back to work. And I didn't get a single cent from the government for doing so. In fact, all that working does is mean after tax, extra rent and loss of my disability pension, I keep only 10% of what I make - or $1.80 an hour. Half of which then goes on childcare. the only way I make money is by working saturday night so I get $3.50 an hour and only pay a quarter of it in childcare. Even chinese factory workers get more than that.
You need to get your head out of your bum. No one can predict the future. When I got married, my husband seemed to be a reliable, employed person and I was on my way to being a doctor, halfway through my studies to be one. I had no idea he would turn violent, I had no idea he would rape me after I had surgery and that we'd fall pregnant with just twice not using protection (because it was against my will), I also had no idea his violence would leave me badly injured and only able to work one day a week (on a good week) and medically not supposed t be working at all, I had no idea my daughter and I would have to flee for our lives, I also had no idea my daughter would have autism and need serious caring that would also stop me from working more than I do.
Not every single mother is a teenage slut looking for welfare. Some of us are hard workers who were married and very responsible when our child was born and life then screwed us over.
Plenty of women become disabled, plenty of women have disabled children, plenty flee abusive husbands, plenty are rape victims and didn't choose to become mothers but do the right thing and stand by their child. None of these women asked to be single and unable to work, but they deserve every single bit of support t hey get and much more than they do get.
Even with the little pitiful assistance they do get from welfare and housing, they have to go without all non necessities and often have to go without things people like you would call necessities, even things like food at times - I've been there, done that - gone hungry to feed my child. Even though I work now, I cannot afford the medications I need that would extend my life, because half the meds I need aren't on PBS.
You have no idea... while you whinge about going without, there are people like me who have to go without lifesaving medical treatment because we literally have nothing - less than nothing, because I'm stuck with $80K debt my ex ran up in my name before we escaped.
There is no benefit to this. If my husband hadn't raped me, I'd be on $100K a year like my undergrad classmates who started their postgrad medicine degree when I was due to - a month after my daughter was born. Do you think women enjoy living in poverty and agony and ill every day? Not knowing where the next meal will come from sometimes? borrowing just to survive?
No one can predict the future, by the logic of people like you, no woman should have a baby - they can never be sure their partner might die or run off or have a mental breakdown or lose their job etc. No one is safe from fate.
The "easy life" you think single mums have is a myth. You would not last one day in my shoes.
Anonymous
I believe as long as the baby is clothed, fed and cared for in the appropriate manner by the parents, it shouldnt matter what age the mother is and she should not be judged on it. I have met teenage mums that are better mums then some mid age women.
Anonymous
I don’t know if the pregnancy hormones are that much stronger this time around, if it’s something about having a girl, or if I’ve just gone off the deep end, but there is some serious nesting and long overdue learning of the “domestic arts” going on around these parts