Open Relationships

Annie

I also have some problems with this, as did Jason. I have always said I could forgive my husband of anything except stepping out of the marital bed. I have always considered that that is the one thing I could NEVER forgive, marriages/partnerships last on a basis of mutual respect, trust and friendship, even when the going gets tough, (and it does in all relationships at sometime or other) and if you no longer have that, there is little point in being together.

Even if the other partner could forgive, they would NEVER forget, and always be looking for signs that there was yet another person in the "marriage".

Unfortunately, I have had to alter my stance on this point, as after nearly 21 years of blissful marriage with a healthy sex life, I was diagnosed with bi polar two years ago at the age of 50. The medication that I now have to take has caused me to put on 20k in the last two years, and also makes it extremely difficult to lose. (So they treat the depression and give you "mood stabilising" drugs, but the side effects of weight gain depress you more !, and whilst taking dexamphetimine to keep you "up" you have to take yet another drug to help you sleep, which also contributes to not being able to loose the weight).

We have not had sex in two years, also a side effect from the medication, I am just not interested, and have even tried testosterone treatment, didn't work either.

So this is a further depressive feature, especially when I would love to be able to have the close sexual relationship we once shared.

As my husband is only 44, I am a firm believer that men of his age need that release, and I am unable to provide it, therefore, I have to accept that at some point he may look for it elsewhere. This frightens me immensely, and I am sure he has not relented to this yet, but there is just no way I can just "lie back and think of England", as he would know I was just "going through the motions".

I provide the above info to give you an insight into how ditressing it can be for the other partner, I have no wish to start checking his phone or wallet or emails to see if he has found someone to give his the sexual gratification he needs, but I am fearful because I believe that there is no way you can enter into a sexual relationship with someone without having any loving feeling for them, and he is a very caring, loving person, they broke the mould when they made him.

I'm not sure if it is you or your partner who is interested in persuing an "open relationship", but for the one who is not interested in doing so, it must be devastating realising that they can not fulfull the others needs, I know I am.


Are you able to sit down and discuss why you don't have a sexual relationship with each other (anymore ?, or was it ever ?), and what you could do to introduce/re-intriduce this back into your lives. It doesn't have to be combative, just over a nice dinner, candlelight, and a nice bottle of wine. Discuss what "turns you on" (remember, nothing is abnormal in a loving relationship), go out together and buy some sexy lingerie, sex toys, whatever, but do make an effort to get yourselves back to a physical relationship, because if you head down the track you are looking at, all I can see is everyone getting very badly hurt, emotionally, and financially.

If you/they are that unhappy with your/their lot, put an end to the marriage now, and try to find what you/they are looking for elsewhere.

I know that my husband has stood behind me, supporting me through this terrible time, and that is what it's all about. I married my best friend, my soulmate and hopefully one day soon again, my lover.

GOOD LUCK, hope you make the right decision for you, but remember "the grass is always greener........................."